Aspiring Optimist

Usually when we wish each other a “Happy New Year,” we really are optimistic about the year to come and sincere in our expectations for the upcoming year. Unfortunately, this was especially hard for me to embrace as we entered 2022. I found myself cringing as I wrote “Happy New Year” in texts, emails and social media posts, knowing that the year to come is especially harrowing.

My pessimism caught me off guard. It got me to thinking – am I an optimist or pessimist at heart?

Listening to this interview with Michael J Fox helped me process this. Fox, despite trying health issues, continues to be an optimist. Wow. Is optimism a natural state or one that we can be intentional about?

I’d love to say I’m an all-out optimist, but if I’m honest and from my concerns about 2022, I’m at best a quasi-optimist. In full disclosure, I operate according to “Murphy’s Law” (“what can go wrong, will”). This could be viewed as a pessimistic approach to life. But I choose to see myself as someone who is prepared, just in case. If I anticipate bad things and prepare for them in advance, I hope to avoid last minute obstacles that “Murphy” might bring. Is this strategic or paranoid? Positive or negative?

Is being an optimist at this moment akin to the mistaken optimism that those in Germany likely had as they entered 1934, following Hitler’s win in the 1933 election, the last democratic one during his reign? Am I being overly dramatic or historically prescient? Is rushing to the worst outcome irrational? How does optimism fit into our perspective on the world?

Since the future is unknown, we still need to function, so staying on the side of optimism is important to maintain sanity. In all aspects of our lives – big and small.

Staying curious helps

Being curious and attuned to alternative ways of thinking has helped me adjust my thinking in a more positive direction along my life journey. New perspectives could come from lessons from my schooling, a casual conversation with a friend or relative, or words uttered by a stranger.

Micro vs Macro

There were more than a few times in my government career when I got disheartened by the extremely slow progress we were making on an issue, especially when working on climate change policy. Why was Congress, the press, and the public ignoring obvious evidence that climate change was a real threat? [This was back in the 1990s, when, admittedly, the impacts hadn’t yet hit as obviously as they are today]. Why was the national press (yup – even the New York Times and Washington Post) accepting the lies fed by the dirty coal industry in their coverage of this new issue, then referred to as global warming? We might make small inroads of progress but then would get intense pushback, especially by Congress. Simple arguments that belittle climate change then and now continue to eclipse the more complex and nuanced side, even for those actions that could preclude further damage.

To stave off getting completely demoralized, it helped to change my thought pattern. I often would use what I learned from my Econ 101 classes, in which problems (or the economy) could be approached in macro or micro. When I looked at our efforts in micro, moving the goalpost was infinitesimally slow and it seemed our efforts were barely making an impact. But when I looked at the US system in macro, however slow and plodding, I realized that it was perhaps a positive thing. Often, long-term change was most effectively made either incrementally over time or more sharply after distinctly dark periods that allowed the zeitgeist to embrace a new path. I used this micro vs macro lens a lot to help me feel like progress was being made, however sluggish. It helps me now that I’ve seen public attitudes accept the reality of climate change, even if our Congress has not.

The same could be said for the seemingly sudden public recognition of the extreme racial and gender bias that has detrimentally affected public policy and personal treatment for centuries. Much of the population needed the dark ugliness of George Floyd’s visual, horrible murder and the exposure of Harvey Weinstein’s decades of horrible treatment of women to finally recognize that massive change is needed. Unfortunately, there remains a loud minority represented by Trump and his ilk that feels threatened by such structural change, stopping at nothing to alter institutions to protect what they see as their interests. In micro, I am scared to death. In macro, perhaps this is the darkness we have to go through to get to the other side. Only time will tell … in 2022.

Just Smile

Similarly, when I was mired in the tediousness of raising my kids, I found myself short-tempered and not always appreciating the adorableness of kids being kids. It’s tough keeping little ones happy and engaged while working, trying to get stuff done and finding 10 minutes to read a magazine, my most relaxing reprieve. This is where a conversation with my dear friend Fran (who tragically passed away in 2021), really changed my attitude forever. Rather than complain, she actively relished every minute she had with her kids. She reminded me how lucky we both were to experience motherhood, since we were on the older side when we had our kids. Her approach was to smile and it would remind you to appreciate every moment. That conversation made an indelible, positive mark on my attitude towards being a mom and how I mothered my kids.

Feeling Gratitude no matter what

My family has had to deal with some significant health issues, and people often are amazed at how we deal with them without wallowing. Listening to Michael J. Fox — who deals with even more significant health issues — reveals how he, and we, deal with health challenges. We count our blessings and think how much worse things could be. Rather than feeling sorry for ourselves, we only see how lucky we are.

Working at Optimism

Optimism for those of us who are not natural optimists often needs to be an intentional pursuit. As 2022 opens, the pessimist in me worries that we’ll continue facing more variants that will prevent a close to normal life. I am consumed by the potential loss of our democracy if the expected Republican takeover of the House and/or Senate happens, especially as some States continue to hinder voting rights. I am so worried that my kids and their generation will lose out on the heretofore underappreciated benefits of close, in-person work relationships, not to mention the deteriorating natural world.

But then I remind myself to look at the glass half full instead. The vaccines have helped those who got jabbed to stave off serious disease. While we haven’t made the progress some may want on climate, the level of acknowledgment and commitment by many to do something has changed mightedly, compared to the years when it was impossible to get public traction. And, maybe we had to come close to the brink so that the powers that be will finally take action to preserve voting rights, and hence our democracy?

“Discomfort is the price of admission for having a meaningful life”

I was buoyed when I heard the second and third podcast episodes shared below, from the Happiness Project podcast. They are both recommended for recognizing and labeling one’s negative emotions and not discounting them. As the interviewee says, “discomfort is the price of admission for having a meaningful life.” We need to identify the emotions behind our discomfort, identify our true values, and then take action that aligns with these values.  This is an empowering way to cope with fear. The third episode is an interview with Brene Brown, who digs deep into the power that labeling distinctly different emotions can offer to help one cope more accurately and effectively with life’s travails.

Feeling carefree as we start 2022 is not easy. I am listening closely to those natural optimists out there or others steeped in recommended ways to assuage our personal and collective anxiety. As an aspiring but struggling optimist, I am eager to hear your thoughts, suggestions, and techniques for maintaining optimism and hope.

Recommended Listens:

The Funny Thing About Optimism w/ Michael J. Fox (and You) – from the Go Ask Ali podcast.

Emotions Are Data…So Listen to Them from The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos  

How to Identify Your Negative Emotions, an interview with Brené Brown, from the Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos