Author: Linda Silverman

I received a lot of comments about my March blogpost, especially related to “being enough.” When thinking about this phrase, especially after listening to the first podcast referred to below, I realized this is all about storytelling, in this case about oneself.

Self-doubt is one of the most prevalent human emotions. We tend to judge ourselves more harshly than others judge us, which can lead to excessive self-criticism and even self-sabotage. But really, we own how we view ourselves. We can choose to dwell on the negative or celebrate the positive. It’s our choice to craft the stories we tell ourselves and about ourselves.

Crafting our own stories

Storytelling is increasingly important in business. I’ve become an angel investor (or investing in very early-stage companies – after “friends and family” crowdfunding and before venture capital). I’ve learned that seasoned angel investors base their investment decisions on the personal qualities of the entrepreneur/CEO of the new venture, even more than the new or disruptive business idea, since most often angels invest before there is any revenue or dedicated market. Founders must explain their story in a way that convinces early investors to risk their money. It’s the story that becomes incredibly important, in addition to the founder’s concept and the financial term sheet. Consider Elon Musk’s path.

Growing up in the warm weather of Miami Beach, Florida, the message I received was that a young girl’s value was based primarily on her weight, and whether she was thin or even better, super skinny. For someone like me, often 10-20 pounds over(normal) weight and with pale skin and red hair (strange in my dark, curly haired and tanned Jewish community), I rarely felt good about myself. Being smart and a good friend were nice qualities but didn’t compare in my community to how you looked in a bathing suit.

What saved me were my amazing friends, who valued me for me. But what helped me most was imagining there was a world that valued intelligence and insight more than superficial things like weight. It took leaving Miami and living in colder climates and less shallow environs to realize that what one weighed was just an adjective, not the sole determinant of one’s worth.

Having to battle my own self doubt in my early years pushed me to develop a new identity. Receiving good, affirming feedback once I left Miami helped me to adopt a more positive mindset. This improved my self-confidence and refocused my story. I then felt more deserving and open to the opportunities that availed themselves in college, grad school and in my career.

Even considering whether I was worthy to write a blog involved telling myself a story. Who was I to think that people might want to read what I had to say? Could I provide the same wisdom and inspiration that I had found in articles and other people’s blogs when I was feeling unmoored at work?

What gave me the courage was realizing that even if the worst thing happened – no one read my blog – then at least my kids would have some stories about me. Reframing my story this way gave me the audacity to think that I could write articles that people would read in their leisure time. It took longer than expected, but I finally took the plunge to launch this blog in January 2020.

Just as I was retiring from the US Department of Energy in 2018, I was fortunate to be selected for a 9-month program called Leadership Montgomery, which exposes participants to a broad range of information about and interaction with the County we live in and encourages us to get involved locally. The more prestigious of the options was to go into the core program, focused on CEO-level folks intent on connecting to other high-level leaders in our County. In contemplating my options, I realized that it was the senior cohort, called Senior Leadership Montgomery, that would be most valuable and appropriate to my age and stage. Indeed, interacting with forty others who had such varied backgrounds and experiences was incredibly stimulating – much more so for me than being surrounded by those more intent on professional advancement. This new, non-career direction became part of my story.

Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

I can only imagine how difficult it is for a person of color and/or immigrant to work in a predominantly white office, having had perhaps a very different childhood, education and overall life experience. A constant, internal pep-talk must be needed to feel comfortable in what may seem like a foreign milieu. That takes a lot of energy, especially when their colleagues likely have no idea. This is something I hadn’t appreciated when I was working in government. I’m sorry I was so clueless.

As we develop our own stories it’s important to think back and acknowledge our big and small wins, even back to when we were kids. Together these memories can build a compelling narrative that helps to differentiate us and lift us up.

Recognizing our strengths also helps to counter imposter syndrome, which, if you think about it, indicates one has achieved success. We wouldn’t feel like an imposter for a job we could do easily, only for a challenging one we were chosen to do. We just tend to undervalue our own achievements and attributes. Stepping aside and viewing our history from an external perspective helps confirm that we’re good enough, or actually even doing great. We are not imposters.

Disclaimer

This blogpost shouldn’t be misconstrued as providing a pass from self-awareness. A story that builds our self-confidence shouldn’t be used to avoid our foibles. We still need to be honest with ourselves about what we need to change. Someone who has a serious weakness in their job needs to take ownership to get trained or find a mentor to address it. A jerk shouldn’t delude themselves; they still need to change their offending ways to be an acceptable colleague or boss. Being unethical or doing immoral or cruel things to others is unacceptable, and no story should be used to evade one’s responsibility for bad actions. Putin’s war in Ukraine is exhibit one. While he’s told himself and his country a story, it is incredibly misguided and dangerous propaganda that must be stopped – by others if not by himself.

I am writing this for the rest of us, who are decent and trying to be the best we can be. Creating a positive, engaging story, even if it contains our flaws, helps to connect us with others and make ourselves memorable. I find everyone fascinating, especially if they are willing to talk revealingly about themselves and their story. Taming our inner critic is a win-win for ourselves and others.

Latest Recommendations:

Kindra Hall’s 4 Steps to Choose Your Story & Change Your Life, from Cathy Heller Presents Don’t Keep Your Day Job podcast.  

This article, from Maria Shriver’s Sunday Paper, reassures me that anyone can write and maybe others will find it valuable.

There are 2 times in my life where I realized I was really an adult: 1) when my kids vomited on me and I was more worried about them than myself, and 2) when I proactively looked for life and long-term care insurance.  

Jump to #2.  In my experience, whether one deals well with insurance, taxes, investments, etc. is often dependent on how one’s family of origin dealt with it. These “adult” responsibilities are not fun or particularly interesting but are vital to having a safe and sustainable life. I am so thankful that my father impressed on me the need to never go even one minute without health insurance. My parents also modeled for me how to be responsible about insurance and investments. I am thankful that I listened to them and maxed out my 401k since beginning my government job. The time value of money invested over thirty years has enabled me to become one of the 401k millionaires. It was actually relatively painless — I didn’t notice these missing funds as they were automatically withdrawn from my paycheck.

Since we’re in the month before tax day, I thought this would be an appropriate time to raise these issues. People rarely talk with their peers about these responsibilities. If you don’t have someone in your life talking about this stuff, this is my effort to fill this void. For some, this list is a given and nothing new, but I hope that it serves others that are confused and/or ignoring these vital actions.

Here are my top set of considerations you should be evaluating now:

1) Funding your Retirement: if you have a dollar match for your 401k/403b retirement plan at work, make sure to at least meet the maximum match. So, if your company will match up to 5% of your salary, you must put in at least 5% to get the full match. I would go further and highly recommend doing the maximum (currently $19,500, with the option for an additional $6,500 catch-up contribution for those over 50). You will thank yourself when you start seriously thinking about retirement. Make this automatic so your spending will focus on your net income.

Note on Roth Accounts: If you can manage putting your investments in a Roth IRA account – meaning you pay the taxes going in – I think it’s always worth it. Be mindful, however, of not inadvertently putting yourself into the next, higher tax bracket. A Roth allows investments to continue to grow, without having to worry about a tax bite when you take it out.  Also, in case you care to leave money to your heirs, changes in the recent tax law could wreak havoc on them, since the new requirement is that Required Minimum Distributions (RMD) must be taken over ten years rather than a much longer timeframe. This means that your heirs could face a huge tax bill in each of those ten years. A Roth is not subject to this RMD restrictions. Again, to take advantage of a Roth, you must have the cash to pay the tax in the current tax year, so that’s a huge consideration. The younger you are, the more a Roth provides a significant benefit, allowing time to do its thing.

2) Taxable Investments:  If at all possible, have taxable investments outside of your retirement account, with a minimum amount to cover emergency expenses if you lose your job or encounter another emergency. This is also an important source of funds for prized vacations, household improvements or spending money prior to or in retirement. Taking the long view on this will pay off, I promise. Make sure to invest funds beyond your emergency stash, and not just keep them in cash until you have time to deal with it. Compounding interest and dividends over time makes a big difference!

3) Life Insurance: Figuring this out is a daunting, largely unpleasurable experience. But if you own something that you cannot afford on your salary alone and/or have kids, you must have life insurance. I realized the need for term life insurance when my husband and I bought a home whose mortgage I could not have covered if something happened to him and his salary! Just swallow and take the time to learn about insurance and make good decisions. Be careful about who you use to get the insurance, as many insurance brokers have a disincentive to put your interests first. If possible, get term insurance that will make it until your kids are out of college. This is not always possible if there are health issues. Interestingly, if you do a good job with investments, etc., you likely will not need insurance once the 20 or 30-year term of the insurance expires, because your investments should be enough to cover you. I recommend getting a lot more than you think is needed to ride the inflation that will occur over the life of the insurance.

4) Creating a will if you have kids or property.  This is a bit of an expense but is key to ensuring that your kids and your property are protected in case you or your spouse/partner die, especially earlier than expected. While I dreaded doing it and paying for it, the process had the unexpectedly positive benefit of getting my husband and I talking about what mattered to each of us.    

5) Long-term Care insurance: This is the activity where I realized I truly was an adult and had to face what I would do if my spouse or I were infirm, and how we would pay for it.  Again, take the time to learn about this from neutral sources (the US Government puts out really valuable information – see below) and make the investment if it makes sense.

6) 529 college investments:  I am so grateful that we started making monthly investments as soon as each of my kids got their social security numbers, when they were less than a year old. Time value of money really added up, leading my kids to have enough money in their 529 accounts to fund their (public!) college education. It helped A LOT that grandparents invested in each kid’s account for every birthday and Hanukkah. I could not have retired when I did without this financial certainty.

7) Fun money:  It is critical that each partner have the flexibility to spend on things they value, within reason. Not having to negotiate every transaction is key to a healthy partnership/marriage.   

8) Reflecting regularly on where you are re: your wealth: Discuss with your spouse/partner at least once a year. I actually enjoy this process but know it’s unpleasant for most people. Just do it.

9) Putting everything in one place:  I’m still working on this one, but co-locating vital information (account information; passwords, wills, safety deposit access information, etc.) in one place is the best present we can provide to our survivors. I promise to get this done before my next blog. My version of accountability!

It helps so much to find neutral, objective advice before jumping into any of these.  Before I got a financial planner, I had a Morningstar membership (around $150/year).  It helped me understand a lot of financial concepts, kept track of my investments, and allowed me to research new investments – without the conflict of interest that investment houses like Fidelity, Vanguard or T. Rowe Price inevitably have.  On insurance, I like government pamphlets, especially related to long-term care insurance (such as https://longtermcare.acl.gov/ ). 

Finally, I wish we were all more open with our friends about this. Not to generalize, but I feel that men are better at this than women, at least about talking about investments. Ladies, let’s start having these conversations with our friends and family.

What a Year It’s Been

A year ago this week is when covid-19 really hit home. Both of my college students had to start full virtual classes, and could not return to their universities.  For my son, we went through the craziness of finding him a flight home from his study abroad program in Scotland.  We realized my husband, who recently had major surgery and was now on immunosuppressant medication, was now at very high risk.  He’s barely left the house since, except for walks and periodic blood tests. We had just had our last indoor restaurant experience, celebrating my daughter’s birthday.  Our lives, like everyone’s, went full virtual.

We’ve nearly made it folks – just a few more months to go, hopefully! What’s on your list – for both things you need to tackle, and your post-covid wish list??

Recommended listens:

Informative interview from NPR’s Market Place hosts Kai Rissdal and Molly Wood and New School labor economist Teresa Ghilarducci on the (not so great) state of retirement plans (as of December 2020, when this episode was recorded). 

NPR/KERA’s Think podcast episode on How To Become More Open-Minded – how sometimes growth comes through unlearning ideas we’ve always thought to be true.  

I can trace 2020 through the evolution of this blog.  My first one came out in January, when few had heard of the coronavirus.  My intention was to provide my perspective, from my career and life, to aid others as they navigate the working world, in particular. 

However …. the pandemic hit, and as we all needed to, I had to pivot. Not only did my life experience not lend itself to operating under a pandemic, but so many of our work concerns paled in comparison to the devastation wrought by a lethal, microscopic virus. My desire to have pre-written, evergreen blogs that I could post monthly soon morphed into new thoughts and reactions to our current predicament.    

Now, as we approach the end of this turbulent, politically charged and covid-filled year, I hope to turn back to applying lessons I’ve learned to career and life circumstances that others may experience. 

In thinking through what applies at this juncture of our covid journey, I’ve realized that being consciously strategic in all aspects of our lives can be particularly helpful by providing balance and reducing angst.

We normally employ “strategy” in military, policy or work settings – creating a multidimensional action plan that focuses on accomplishing a large (ex. winning a war; conquering climate change) or tactical (ex. winning a battle; increasing local renewable energy adoption) goal. 

In this time, being “strategic” can be adapted to being as efficient as one can be while also giving oneself a break. In all things. This doesn’t help win a war or conquer a large policy goal, but at a personal level, it allows us to more gently get through this pandemic.

Parenting

I have nothing but admiration for parents with small or older kids who still need help navigating online school or mental anguish.  Those with jobs now have at least double the workload, including having to replace playmates so critical to kids’ social development and overall happiness.  I can only imagine how I would cope in such tough circumstances. Being a single or unemployed parent just compounds the difficulty. 

What I’ve come to realize as a parent is that patience always took me a lot farther than showing anger or impatience.  Kids just don’t react well to anything that rings of disapproval.  Being strategic in this circumstance might mean maintaining as cool a manner as possible (even while seething) to keep your kids calm, happy and on track with their schoolwork or job search.

As kids age, what’s really tough for parents is controlling one’s own anxiety about our kids’ school work, grades and/or career trajectory.  While our instinct is to speak up and insert ourselves, the strategic approach is to let them go about their business, but be supportive and encouraging, and only offer assistance if asked.  This is TOUGH, especially for pushy folks like me.  

What may help most for those with kids entering the workforce — and key to maintaining good relationships — is projecting confidence onto our kids that they WILL be successful.  What they need most is reassurance that their efforts will result in finding a job, a place to live, and/or a temporary love or life partner.  I know I will need to be reminded of this in the coming year as my oldest graduates college and looks for a job, even as unemployment is at an all-time high.    

Work

So often my advice in this realm starts with stopping by someone’s office or having coffee with a colleague to get another perspective on the issues you may be facing at work.  That, and the informal interactions so valuable in navigating the work world, are all out the window at the moment. 

When working in government for so long, I tried to consciously prioritize spending time and mental energy on things that actually mattered and were worth taxpayers’ dollars. This may have involved communicating with stakeholders, analyzing data and information, tracking budget expenditures, working with colleagues to create a tactical and strategic plan, and preparing decision memos or briefing slides that could lead to real change. Getting those right was worth deep effort. 

An example of what wasn’t worth taxpayers’ dollars: when I worked on budget formulation, the ridiculous changes in format directed by someone at the Office of Management and Budget (OMB) in the middle of the process.  The changes made no material difference to the few that actually read the budget, but spun up thousands of folks across the government. This was neither strategic nor a good use of precious resources, especially for the agency responsible for management and budget! I actually once had the occasion to tell the head of OMB this …

Many are complaining that having zoom meetings all day is exhausting.  I’m unsure why everything needs to be on video.  At the Department of Energy, we normally worked with national labs all over the country and in different time zones.  We just got used to working with others via phone calls and email, and very rarely used video connections.  Years could go by before I met in person colleagues that I worked with regularly.  We rarely sweated the lack of in person interaction.  I caution my friends not to feel that everything needs to be done via zoom or google teams.  Just pick up the phone instead. 

For those with a performance plan with specific elements, it’s worth making sure that progress is being made on all elements, and not concentrating on only one.  This will help when it comes time for performance reviews, which lead to bonuses and promotions.  This is obvious, but I had to include it.

Home Life and Leisure

Being strategic about balancing work and home responsibilities helps to navigate this time when we can’t really look forward to travel or celebrations. More than ever, we have to be conscious about injecting joy into our days.  Doing something enjoyable and restorative is more important to one’s mental health than dusting another shelf.  Taking a walk or watching a show on Netflix should not give anyone guilt.  Go for it!

If asked to do something for your kid’s school, volunteer organization or religious institution, take a minute to assess whether this is how you want to spend your time.  Feeling obligated is not enough of a reason to take it on.   

Friends/Relatives

This is tricky.  It’s okay to take a break if that’s what you need.  I personally have really valued reaching out to others in this time.  However, some are just overloaded and don’t have any more time or energy for those outside of their work and home bubble.  I get that. 

However ….  I think women, in particular, too often sacrifice time with girlfriends because they are so focused on work and family obligations.  My experience is that time with girlfriends brings a disproportionate amount of joy.  This investment becomes even more rewarding as one enters empty nest and retirement years.  I was lucky to travel to visit several friends around the world in the year before covid hit.  I can’t tell you how meaningful it has been to re-ignite long-standing relationships with people I adore but may not get to see much.  Prioritizing my nearby friends – through a weekly zoom happy hour, a phone call and/or walks – has been incredibly energizing. Regardless of covid, this investment is crucial to long-term happiness.

Goodbye 2020!

I don’t know anyone who will be sad to see 2020 turn to 2021.  We can all bid adieu to the most deadly, debilitating and divisive year of most of our lives.  But, as in all previous national or global traumas, there are things we can celebrate that could have long-lasting, positive impacts.    

This is what I’m celebrating:

What are you celebrating?  Are you consciously being more strategic about an area of your life?

Wishing you much health, happiness and opportunity as we enter 2021.  Happy Holidays!  And stay safe in our covid winter!

What has inspired me this month: 

A Vanity Fair interview with Barack Obama, who brings a helpful and humane perspective from his career and life. A nice, quick interview, which may also help to decide whether to read his very long book. 

I’m a big fan of StoryCorps and its app.  StoryCorps helps common folks capture wonderful and enduring conversations (and importantly, their voices) with close relatives or friends, and then stores them in the Library of Congress.  My kids conducted StoryCorps interviews with each of my parents.  Hear part of a StoryCorps interview that Anthony Fauci did with his wife. 

As we approach the final week of (hopefully!) our last 4 years of political torment, I’m trying to focus on these words.  I’m pushing myself to choose grace and heart as we work to get past this disastrous year.

I was inspired to write this blog from a Brenè Brown interview with the amazing Alicia Keyes. Referring to her recent book, Alicia spoke about getting to a point in her exalted career where she felt spent, realizing that she had inadvertently made so many small compromises that together brought her to a place she didn’t like.  She dug deep to examine what she really wanted, ultimately doing a 180°in how she handled herself, her career and her schedule. 

So many of us are reeling from this strange time. Several of my friends have recounted how uncertain they are feeling about their current job or lack of work or state of their relationships.  Covid-19 has offered the sudden disruption that has many — most? — in the questioning stage.  Taking a cue from Alicia Keyes, it helps to go beyond simple questioning to a self-examination of one’s “why.” 

My “why” journey

I did a “why” inquiry in the run-up to my decision to retire after 30 years at the US Department of Energy. Due to a Trump Administration budget change, I was moved to a new office under different leadership. Although I was in a great job and worked with wonderful, brilliant people, I soon became extremely frustrated. I found I had no respect for the senior decision makers in my line, who put in place a sycophantic structure that led to ill-informed and unnecessarily destructive decisions. I saw little courage anywhere in my management chain. Rather, I felt that I was being directed to accept repeated bad decisions that together affected the program I worked on and how I felt about my career, which to that point I had been very proud of and praised for. I didn’t see this leadership style changing for the foreseeable future.

Knowing I could retire with benefits in six months, I carefully examined whether I should stay and what I could do instead. I realized I had been a good soldier for 30 years, taking the risk adverse approach to a consistent employer even as my work assignments and responsibilities grew and varied widely over the years.  Maybe it was time to jump into the great unknown.  It may not sound like a big leap, as I was at my retirement eligibility that guaranteed benefits, and I was prepared financially.  But for me, it felt scary to give up on the career, colleagues and issues I cared deeply about.

My internal examination followed a somewhat deliberative process. Over those six months, I did a mental check-in with myself daily (sometimes multiple times a day) to gauge my level of job satisfaction.  In my mind, I had a graph with x and y axes, and consciously thought about where I was on the curve.  My antenna was up! I realized almost every day I was well below the line of satisfaction.  Furthermore, I didn’t like the bitchy person I felt I was displaying at work. 

As the decision point closed in, I began viewing this negative situation as a gift — the kick in the butt I needed. I doubt I would have seriously considered making this move had I found myself in the satisfaction quadrant of my mental graph. 

I share this to show my process, not to advocate that others rush to leave a bad situation. I have overcome plenty of bad periods — see my prior or future blogs. While I chose to leave, I encourage those earlier in their career to stay the course if you’re working on issues you care about. But please take mental notes of what leadership qualities you admire or detest. You will be in a leadership role in the future. It’s critical that you bring your own lessons learned and become the leader you wish you had back when.

I’m now 2 years out from my retirement.  I’m still re-evaluating whether I stay on the clean energy/climate change path I spent 30+ years becoming an expert in. I’m staying busy and satisfied exploring my creative side through the watercolor painting I’ve been doing, my genealogy project, volunteer work, a lot of covid-induced online learning opportunities,travel (pre-pandemic), the chance to see so many of my friends, and writing this blog.

I am still in the examination stage.  How do I feel productive?  What can I do to contribute to society for the next few decades?  I’m trying to give myself the space and time to figure out what’s next.  

For those thinking about a career change or shift, it’s okay to assess your “why.”  Why should you stay in the same lane you’ve been in?  Covid-19 gives us all permission to examine a shift – whether forced or voluntary. 

Dealing with Disruption

In the energy field, we often talk about disruptive technologies.  Technologies are disruptive when they upend what we’ve come to understand as normal. 

A great disruptive example is electricity.  Before 1882, when Thomas Edison opened the first power plant to operate his new technical innovation, incandescent light bulbs, our energy needs were provided very differently.  Candles, whale oil lamps, and kerosene lamps provided light.  Iceboxes kept food cold, and wood-burning or coal-burning stoves provided heat.

More recent examples of disruptive technologies are the internet, smart phones, search engines, social media and artificial intelligence.  It’s amazing to think what our lives would be like without any of these – especially during a pandemic!

Covid-19 has offered us the sudden disruptive catalyst to appraise everything – our jobs, our family structures, what makes us happy, what our true values are, our consumption patterns, where we live, how we spend our leisure time and what we want for our future. 

Regardless of what happens in the election, we will remain in an anxiety-filled period, at least until January 20. I’m clinging to the belief that the political, cultural and health-related disruption we’ve all been dealt is the price needed to catapult us into a more equitable, positive, environmentally-friendly culture and economy. 

As I learned from my own disruptive change, it can be liberating to go through the process of examination and change. Whether you are going through a personal disruption or just worried about our collective one, I urge you to keep your antenna up and your heart open.  By next month’s blog, we’ll see in which direction we’re headed!

One of my biggest uh-huh moments came from watching the movie Annie Get Your Gun with my then 7 year-old daughter. She was incredulous at the end when Annie Oakley altered her rifle to deliberately lose a sharpshooting match against her intended. The implication was that her man would not marry her if she continued to be the perfect shot she had always been.

My daughter could not understand why a woman would subvert her ability to attract a man. I looked to my husband to try to explain this.  He admitted that when the film was made — 1950 — and through much of the 20th century, it was accepted mantra that men were naturally more capable than women.  He further explained that, actually, it was the fragile male ego that had to be catered to in order for women, like Annie, to be considered for a love match (not to mention many jobs). No matter how we tried to explain it, she simply could not believe it.

This was like a lightning strike to my husband and me.  We realized how bought in we were as kids, as we would never have questioned this dramatic arc when we watched this movie in the 1960s or 70’s.  We had similar reactions when we convinced our kids to watch the Jetsons and Flintstones – two cartoons we loved as kids.  Seeing these shows in the 21^st century was shocking for their debasement of women. 

Our daughter’s reaction conveyed how significant the cultural shift has been.  She’s been raised by us and our culture to strive to achieve in ways no different than her brother.

Enter the Notorious Ruth Bader Ginsburg

As we all mourn the passing of the notorious RBG, this story came to mind.  I had grown up accepting such gendered strictures, although much less so than my mother and her generation, who were prohibited from even having a credit card in their own name. 

While this Annie Get Your Gun moment brought home the ridiculousness that I blindly accepted as a small girl, we now know that RBG, Gloria Steinem and many others — prior to and since — worked tirelessly to overcome institutionalized misogyny that my daughter found unbelievable.  RBG deserves the immense adulation so many have for her. She methodically broke down immense legal walls just to enable women to be covered by the 14th Amendment to the Constitution’s equal protection clause.

Give the Youth their Due

While there are legitimate criticisms of our generation’s helicopter parenting, one benefit is that we prioritize hanging out with and listening to our kids’ thoughts and opinions.  This is much more prevalent than the more delineated way I was raised when there was little overlap between parents and kids lives, other than dinner time and the occasional trip.

Right now, it is understandable why so many parents are stressed from having to raise, homeschool and serve as playmates to their school age kids.  Hopefully, there is some residual energy to appreciate our kids’ nuggets of wisdom that will appear from time to time.  This story is an example of how my wise kid taught her parents a lesson in cultural BS. 

Between the Trump Administration, the pandemic, more visible racist incidents, and so many extreme weather events, our kids are having to mature at a more rapid rate than usual.  They deserve to be more influential than ever given they will have to live with the diminished environment, economy and governmental safeguards shaped by our collective ineptitude in recent years.  

Luckily, there are folks like RBG that have shown us that dark times can lead to lighter ones.  I know I’m not alone in yearning for a more positive, less anxiety producing time.  We’ll know in November whether this direction will come sooner rather than later.

What is helping me with perspective right now:

A (6 minute) excerpt from a RBG interview on how she handles difficult times.

Article that says it all — “Your Surge Capacity is Depleted: it is why you feel awful”

To read this and other of my blogs online, or to subscribe, please visit my website.

A surprisingly positive outcome of the covid pandemic is the emphasis on improvisation and giving ourselves a break.  In a time of limited supplies of yeast, eggs, toilet paper, school, etc. we’ve all learned to be flexible and adaptable.  Don’t have fresh garlic – use onion powder. Don’t have yeast or eggs – who cares! 

My start to giving myself permission to “go for it” began many years ago from an unlikely source. 

An Unlikely Source of Self-Empowerment

Believe it or not, I have the Food Network and HGTV to thank for how I developed trust in my intuition. Growing up, without the benefit of the internet, cable tv, social media, or more than 4-5 TV stations, I really believed that you needed to be a credentialed expert to be a good cook, decorator or artist. For this reason, I thought only trained chefs could be good cooks.  I never did art, so assumed I should defer to experts on decor for my home.   And applying this to work, I tended to assume my Ph.D colleagues knew better than me about all work matters.

In the 1960’s, 70’s and 80’s world I grew up in, cooking was viewed as utilitarian and almost anti-feminist, given that women were trying to distance themselves from the “barefoot and pregnant” stigma.  I know this sounds strange to the Millennial/Gen Z crowd, who view being a “foodie” as having the highest cool factor.  In my world view, cooking was decidedly uncool and a waste of time.

My “ah ha” moment began, strangely, when my kids were really little and going out to eat just wasn’t feasible anymore (my kids would never sit at a restaurant for more than 5 minutes). Around that time the Food Network was really getting going. Its shows kept referring in a respectful way to “home cooks” — a term I had never heard. The Food Network hosts/chefs showed viewers that cooking was flexible and that taking liberties with recipes was fine and encouraged. This was a revelation. I had grown so bored by my family’s limited meal repertoires that I decided to try some recipes, with really positive results.  With each successful meal, I gained confidence to keep going, trying more and more recipes and learning to adapt to our family’s tastes and preferences.

A similar situation happened with HGTV, as I realized that I had strong views about design and color.  No offense to my beloved community, but the conservative Washington, DC area aesthetic just didn’t mesh with my Miami Beach penchant for bright colors.  I loved the results from “Design on a Dime” and other HGTV shows that dispelled the myth of how home elements could be designed and executed, without necessarily breaking the bank.  The message was that anyone can do it, if you allowed yourself the time and creativity to go for it.  I started to take risks with small design elements in my home.  I even got into making a variety of mosaic art projects that are now displayed throughout my house. I knew my own design confidence had jelled when I retained a decorator to help me redo my living and dining rooms, and had to push her to go bold with color.  

Making Connections to the Work Sphere

The more I did in the cooking and decorating/art sphere, the more I came to trust my “untrained” capabilities.

This extended over time to work. I was always a square peg in a round hole at work – neither an engineer, scientist or Ph.D economist in a very technical organization. What I had, however, was strategic vision and moxie. Both of these, coupled with the eventual expertise that comes with years of working in government and the energy sector, became their own specialization that was more and more recognized over time. I started to go out on a limb, whether pushing for a new approach for an area of work, advocating for flexibility for moms, or being bold with outreach to the public.  I needed to trust my instincts before enticing others to trust my vision. By watching others over the years, I watched what worked and what didn’t. I came to embrace myself as someone who could lead in a somewhat out-of-the-box manner.

The Covid Attitude

This “winging it” mentality has been embraced and encouraged more than ever during our pandemic.  Don’t have x ingredient?  Use y instead. I love that the New York Times has devoted a whole column to pandemic improvised cooking.  The Washington Post has had multiple articles on how to make food substitutions. 

There is a comfort to me in this more relaxed attitude.  We can all make good food, or fix something in a less than perfect way and still achieve delight.  Celebrating our attempts and successes on social media is all the rage.  My kids have been making amazingly delicious breads – challah, bagels, even popovers – often with home-brewed sourdough starter.  This pandemic has inspired so many of us to step up and have the guts to try things we may never have done before.  I know I’m enjoying the fruit of my kids’ labor – maybe a little too much since I have to exercise more than ever to stave off the covid-19 pounds!

I’ve even been attempting watercolor painting – something I never thought I could do.  I grew up in an educational system without art or music funding, so I literally never did any art (beyond my aforementioned mosaic projects).  This is a big deal for me, as I thought one had to have an innate ability to paint.  Maybe I’m not very good, but at least I’ve given myself permission to learn and do.  I’m loving it.  It’s more about self-expression than talent in my case …

It may sound strange to combine the Food Network, HGTV, and work matters in one blog, but the takeaway is that giving oneself permission to go for it in one area of your life can connect with other areas of our lives.  The key is paying attention to how it feels once you use a new ingredient or improvise in a design or home project.  Does it give you pride?  If so, give yourself an attaboy and keep going for it!    

So, my charge to others: 

1) look for sources of inspiration (TV, podcast, inspiring figure, book, documentary) to take a chance in any sphere in your life;

2) witness and take heed of your reaction and that of others;

3) make connections of seemingly unconnected events/impacts to test new approaches in whatever area you’re interested in — whether cooking, decorating, gardening, doing art/music, athletics, work, etc.;

4) use these nuggets to build trust in your instincts;

5) test your new approach in a real life, minimally consequential situation to see if it results in a positive or negative result;

6) Note that sometimes you’ll fail, which is as important and helpful to your journey as succeeding.

My last point is that there is no perfection, and often, no one right choice or maneuver. We all need to remember that humans are very fallible.  If true effort, thoughtfulness, and intention is used, it’s not that evident that one approach is that much better than another.  You might even have fun!

A recommended podcast interview:

If you’ve loved Raffi’s Baby Beluga and other songs, listen to this Awards Chatter podcast interview that shows how Raffi created a whole new way of valuing a heretofore underappreciated market – very young children – that also allowed him to inject his appreciation of the environment.  He gave himself permission to go for it, and became a music legend. 

Ok.  I just have to vent.  I hate the interview question – “Where do you see yourself in five years?” 

In addition to being a lazy question, it is just a ridiculous one.  I’ve never had an answer about my career, and if I did, more than anything it would have limited me.  I am not talking about lawyers or accountants, for whom this may be an appropriate (albeit obvious) question if they are on the partner track.  But for most of us, careers are not developed on an obvious, straight line trajectory. 

What could I have really answered?

When I was 30, I could only easily and honestly have answered that I wanted to meet my life partner in the next 5 years, have a child and make more money.  Any other answer would have been folly. 

I could not have anticipated that within a year I would have met a mentor/supporter that would offer me the chance to work on the new issue of climate change in the wake of the newly installed Clinton Administration.  Climate change was a vast and as yet not well understood multidisciplinary field … bringing together science, technology, economics, and diplomacy.  There are few people that could have given this as an answer prior to 1992 (the year of the Earth Summit in Rio)!

I raise this to give you permission to think differently about this question.  Rather than a lazy HR person’s question, use it to think about your life.  

[Right now, we’re all focused on the sudden and drastic changes to our lives. Please try to remember how you would have answered these questions even a week ago or whether you now have a new perspective.]

Do you want to find a spouse, buy a house, have children, develop a hobby, move, volunteer more, develop a skill?  What aspect of your current job do you like and want to expand?  Can you live with the dreary but often necessary parts of your job?  Are you developing skills that will help you along the path you’re on, regardless of whether you like this aspect of your job?

The Unexpected Job Skill 

I once held a job in a budget and analysis office that required developing annual Congressional budget requests.  Lucky for me, I did this for the US Department of Energy’s (DOE) Wind Technologies office, so I loved the content and the people that I worked with.  I wasn’t enamored with developing budget language or going through the motions of changing text and formats based on the whims of our DOE and Office of Management and Budget (OMB) masters.  However, I came to understand that the budget is THE most important policy document in government, as it’s almost impossible to make an impact without funding. 

Understanding the sausage making of developing budgets – and knowing how to read them, analyze them and research old budgets – came to be very powerful at later points of my career.  In fact, in more recent years, I was able to challenge a superior’s funding decision about a large project I was working on.  Because I knew what Congressional intent had been from reading several year’s worth of federal budget and Congressional passback language, this very worthy project ended up being fully funded. 

What I originally thought of as daunting was not nearly so once I got into it.  This was a big lesson to me.  This job was not in any way a favorite post, but it was key to being strategic and effective down the road.  It also gave me a huge appreciation for the folks that worked in this area, including those involved in executing and processing current year budgets.  Knowing these folks and who to ask for help was invaluable down the line.   

The Evolving Career

It is always hard to know when to jump ship vs just dealing with the mundane or unsatisfying aspects on one’s job.  Rather than freak out when you’re stuck doing an aspect of your job that you don’t like, consider whether it is building necessary skills.  Are there ways to widen your perspective and make it more interesting?  Or are there ways to learn new things or meet new people, once we’re allowed to go back to normal life?

Connecting Once We get to the Post-Coronavirus Age

What about attending brown bag lunches with interesting speakers?  If you’re really feeling stuck, find folks you like to go to lunch or coffee, or take a walk, with.  Start talking to the person on the next machine at the gym.  Expand your horizons.  You never know where these efforts will lead, but at least you’ll make your day that much more pleasant. 

So, if you’re really asked this question in an interview, answer it with what skills you’d like to build, the impact you hope to have or the challenges you hope to conquer.  For my example above, while I could not have anticipated the climate change policy job I would soon have, I could have answered that I wanted to work to stop the “global warming” issue that was starting to percolate.  [Actually, that’s exactly what happened with my first interview at DOE – to be covered in a later blog.]

I also would never have said I wanted to work on budgets.  Yet, being roped into a budget role would ultimately be a big benefit. 

Careers evolve for most of us in ways we could not have predicted.  If you’re antsy, it’s more important to evaluate – every quarter or so – what is working for you and what isn’t.  I recommend this not to continually question how you are doing in your job but to give yourself credit for where you are and the small, less intimidating steps you may need to achieve the next step (or goal).

While we should all think about and be intentional about the skills we need to cultivate, I hope we use this “five-year” question to think about our lives beyond simply our jobs.  Also, please reconsider working in an organization that would have someone asking such a lazy question.

As we all have to hunker down for the next few weeks, please take time to reassess and maybe recalibrate your views about your daily life. Appreciate what you have, take a walk if you can easily leave your home, and most of all — be humane to yourself and others. Be safe and stay healthy!

Recommended article about really unique and revealing interview questions:

“After Giving 1,000 Interviews, I found the 4 Questions that Actually Matter,” by David Walker  https://www.inc.com/david-walker/after-giving-1000-interviews-i-found-the-4-questions-that-actually-matter.html?cid=search

I found these helpful to provide some good perspective for getting through this pandemic:

https://gretchenrubin.com/2020/03/10-tips-for-staying-calm-during-coronavirus/

Maria Shriver’s Sunday paper, March 15 addition