Blog: Perspectives From My Career and Life

Boundaries are a hot topic right now.  For folks working remotely, how does one know when to end the workday? What’s the best way to manage kids’ or other family member’s needs when on work time? Is there a designated workspace that is easily separated from family communal space?

I haven’t had to confront the Covid-19 remote work issues, having left the formal work world prior to the pandemic. Still, during my thirty years in government, I constantly evaluated my boundaries. I hope my experience will be valuable as you navigate yours.

My Role Models

Before I became a parent and needed to set work limits, I watched some influential senior folks do just that. In one case, my boss, a father to 3 boys and husband to a strong wonderful woman, was finding himself working too hard and putting too much on his wife and kids. He approached his boss, a Senate-confirmed Assistant Secretary, and explained how his long work hours were harming his home life.  In a move that made an indelible mark on me, this Assistant Secretary announced at the next senior staff meeting that no one should work past 6 pm on her account. She wanted no divorces on her watch.

In another case, a very senior State Department lawyer and mom figured out how to share a management job and set limits about when she worked and traveled. This was in the 1990’s, when senior level women managers and lawyers were few and far between. She was so revered that the State Department would do anything to retain her and her expertise, so hers was the test case for a new work arrangement. Everyone who worked with her readily accepted her schedule.

Similarly, a colleague at another agency took paternity leave of 3 months. This was the first time I had ever seen a man take advantage of the Family Medical Leave Act, which passed a few years earlier in 1993. It was especially dramatic as many of us across the US government were traveling all over the world in preparation for international climate change negotiations that led to the Kyoto Protocol – something we couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to miss. It spoke volumes about the importance he put on his parenting and husband responsibilities. Rather than recede, his stature swelled. 

My turn

These individuals stood up to conventional norms and set boundaries.  Their example served as my guideposts as I made decisions about what I wanted when I became a mom.

By that point, I had been at DOE for 10 years, and built up a good track record. Right after my first child was born, I asked for and was granted a 4-day schedule, with the 5th day as “leave without pay.”  About a year after my second child was born, I went down to a permanent, 3-day schedule, which lasted about 12 years. Then, and I believe now, working part-time in the US Government is decided on a case-by-case basis, so I was lucky to have enlightened leadership that supported my wishes. It goes without saying that I was extremely fortunate that my husband and I agreed we could afford a 20-40% hit on my salary.

Lessons from my experience

A key lesson I learned was that colleagues adjusted well and got used to scheduling meetings on days when I was there. I never worked on Fridays, which was not a big meeting day anyway, since so many took that day off for their alternate work schedules.  My Wednesdays off were more of an imposition, but it almost never seemed to be a big deal. I am grateful for that.

A lot of thought went into how flexible I should be.  Prior to my schedule change, I would have thought being flexible and moving around my work days to accommodate others would be the best way to be considered a good, loyal team player.  Yet, I really did not want to come in on my days off, especially in the early years when I was taking a scheduled mommy and me class with my daughter — so valuable for the other moms I met. Being flexible would work against why I made the decision to go part-time.

So, I stuck to my guns and made it clear my days off were sacrosanct.  I still checked my blackberry (“the” device at that time) frequently, but I was inflexible about the days I came into work. I promised myself that I would only acquiesce if there were a national or international meeting that was out of my control, or if a very senior DOE or White House person set a meeting on one of my days off.

Counterintuitively, inflexibility led to increased respect for me and my schedule. In practice, knowing I wasn’t available on specific days helped narrow down times that worked for all, in a way making scheduling easier. Also, senior level meetings were so often cancelled or shortened that I’m glad I rarely scrapped my days off.

Know thyself. Knowing myself helped me when I worried about how this could impact my career. There were times I needed to give myself a pep talk. I had to accept that I gave up being on the senior management track, as those jobs go exclusively to full-time folks at the US Department of Energy. I missed many important meetings that would have been valuable to me and my visibility. When I questioned why I did the things I did and whether it was worth it, I reminded myself of my personal core values. That is, for me, I would only be happy and consider myself successful if I had a foot planted firmly in each world – my work world and my kids’ world. Less work hours meant I got to take long, treasured walks with my dog and had time to hang out with my girlfriends – both nearly impossible when working and commuting 50+ hours per week. Neglecting friendships is unfortunately the price many full-time working moms must pay.

Disclaimer: I don’t want to offend anyone who likes or needs to work full-time and feels that their parenting or friendships are little affected. I so respect those who beautifully and tirelessly manage a full-time job and their kids’ lives.  I just knew I don’t have that type of energy.  I accepted my limitations and created a schedule that worked for me .

A 4-day schedule is very different from a 3-day schedule. I worked very efficiently, so I was able to accomplish as much in 4 days as most do in 5 days.  However, I really had to slim down my range of responsibilities and assignments when I went down to 3 days. I was not able to volunteer for new challenges as I had always done.  Also, because I wasn’t around 2 days a week, I was careful to never miss a deadline because of my schedule.

Paying it forward, I made myself available to share my time and experience with anyone who approached me about career advice, and certainly about work/life balance. This is probably what has led, in a circuitous way, to this blog that is devoted to sharing my experiences and perspective.

And now?

Things have changed so much in two years.  I’m not sure that I would have felt compelled to reduce my schedule if working remotely was as accepted as today.  I had a +2 hour commute a day that would not be the case now. I could have more easily been around to give my kids rides or go to their practices, games and performances.  Would the pressure of a full-time job have been too much during their formative years if I had the option for remote work?  It’s so hard to say. 

Of course, my situation was pre-covid. Setting boundaries is made so much more difficult right now, during a pandemic. This is especially true for parents of school age and younger kids. They have to balance jobs (if lucky enough to retain them) with home schooling; serving as substitute playmates; fear of sending under vaccination age kids into schools without mask mandates; dealing with mental health, racial and gender bias issues, etc. The best we can say is that there is much more humanity around melding work and home, especially for those whose jobs allow them to work remotely.

In my boundary setting, I focused on the days I went downtown to work. Yours might be around whether you can stay remote rather than going back to the office, whether you can remain living in another location, when you are expected to read emails and slack messages, how much advance notice is provided around varied schedules, or a myriad of other issues that are rising up during the “great resignation” phase we’re now in.

I hope this blog is viewed as “paying it forward.” The real perspective I would share is to be self-reflective about what’s truly important to you and be real about your abilities and limitations.

From a statement made in the first podcast referenced below, this captures my message: “Communicating boundaries guarantees a self-determined, happy and peaceful life.” I wish you the courage to carve out boundaries that avoid burn-out and ensure a workable and happy life.

Recommended Listens:

From Jean Chatzky’s Her Money podcast, “Becoming A Boundary Boss: You Can Say No”

“Our mental “surge capacity” is maxed out,” from the Make Me Smart podcast

As I did last year, I’ve reserved my August blog for my recommended podcasts. I’m often asked for podcast favorites since I subscribe to many, of all stripes. As you embark on your August vacation and need to start listening to podcasts, or update your own library, please see my new list. (See last year’s list here.)

I’ve changed my list a lot since last year. In some cases, I removed podcasts, not because I no longer like them, but because either they are discontinued (but still available) or are not as relevant now that we’re no longer dealing with daily Trump anxiety. These are just my favorites — not my entire library .

If I’m walking, I tend to listen to them at 1.5 speed. If I’m driving or cooking, I don’t change the speed.

My Podcast Recommendations

Note: I’ve asterisked (*) those that are new this year. Also, there are no embedded links since everyone uses a different source to download podcasts.

General Interest:

*Now & Then: If you’re familiar with the brilliant, social media superstar Heather Cox Richardson, this is the show for you. She and Joanne Freeman (of my old favorite BackStory podcast), both professors of history, put in perspective what’s happening in our political and cultural spheres. If you don’t follow Heather Cox Richardson on Facebook or Twitter, I urge you to. She posts almost daily on what’s happening and why it matters.

*Sisters In Law: this is a relatively new podcast by the MSNBC legal whizzes – Joyce Vance, Jill Wine-Banks, Barbara McQuade and Kimberely Atkins. They talk about the latest legal, political and cultural issues and provide fantastic insight from their years of working at the Justice Department as prosecutors, in law firms and as law school professors. Best for those interested in legal issues.

*Hell and High Water: John Heileman, one of the most articulate and wise political pundits, and a host of Showtimes The Circus, interviews folks shaping our culture, especially in the political sphere. He is brilliant, insightful and humorous.

*Sway: This is a New York Times podcast, featuring the hard hitting interviewer and journalist Kara Swisher. She is a thorough and tough interviewer of notable folks in the news.

*The Ezra Klein Show: Ezra Klein, a well known journalist, tackles a number of topical issues, from anxiety to climate change, in an interview format in another New York Times podcast.

Fresh Air:  Many people know this podcast and its host, Terry Gross.  She’s a great interviewer of a wide range of interesting topics.

Think with Krys Boyd:  I discovered this NPR radio station (KERA) in Dallas’ podcast by accident, but I think host Krys Boyd is among the best interviewers out there.  This is sometimes focused on Texas topics, but most often on issues of national importance and interest. 

The Daily:  The New York Times came out with this podcast a few years ago, and it always covers a topic in the news in a really engaging way.  If you miss hearing it on the radio, it’s always worth checking out what Michael Barbaro is covering.

IA from WAMU:  This show took over for Diane Rehm’s daily radio show on WAMU, Washington DC’s NPR station.  It covers really interesting, wide-ranging topics, so I often check to see if there are episodes of interest.

Inside the Hive:  This is a Vanity Fair podcast with famed writer Emily Jane Fox (broke the Michael Cohen scandal) and Joe Hagan.  They cover topical issues in an engaging way.

Personal Finance/Business/Retirement:

Her Money with Jean Chatzky:  This is the only show I listen to religiously and have never missed an episode.  Jean Chatzky is known to many audiences for the financial advice she provides in a friendly, non-judgmental and well researched manner.  This show covers a range of topics related to women and money.  I always feel empowered after I listen to Jean, who’s enthusiastic and encouraging regardless of how financially knowledgeable one is.  I’m even a member of this podcast’s closed Facebook group.  Men should feel welcome to listen too.

*Jill on Money: Jill Schlesinger takes questions on a number of personal finance issues and provides her advice as a Certified Financial Planner.

*The Retirement Answer Man: this is a weekly podcast covering retirement planning from various angles, but mostly focused on personal finance.

*Angels Live: I’m new to angel investing, and this podcast by the Angel Capital Association, covers important issues for those investing in early stage companies or are entrepreneurs in that space.

Macro Micro Michael Marco: Startups at the Edge:  A shoutout to my friend, Michael Leifman, who along with his former GE colleague Marco Annunziata, conduct thoughtful discussions with early stage entrepreneurs who really are at the edge of innovation.  They are great interviewers focusing on little covered aspect of business, economics and technology.

Make Me Smart:  For fans of Kai Risdal and Molly Wood of NPR’s Marketplace , this is a fun, brief podcast focused on discussions about current financial topics. 

Cooking/Food:

The Splendid Table:  This is a very entertaining, light show that has great interviews, information and recipes.  When I’m stressed, I love to listen to Frances Lam’s gentle voice as he takes on a range of food topics.

*Healthyish: This is a new Bon Appetit podcast limited series about food and wellness.

Homemade:  I like the interesting interviews and information around food by Marty Duncan, a former contestant of the Next Food Network Star show.  It is a podcast of Allrecipes, a great place to get good recipes.

A Taste of the Past:  This looks at the history of a range of food-related topics. 

Entertainment/Sports

Awards Chatter:  This is one of the Hollywood Reporters podcasts (and my favorite).  The host, Scott Feinberg, is a great interviewer of famous folks, most of whom are up for one of the big award shows, like the Academy Awards, Tony’s or Grammy’s.  It’s very entertaining and well researched.  Go back to previous episodes – he’s interviewed everyone! [Two other podcasts from THR include It Happened in Hollywood and Behind the Screen.]

*In the Village: For Olympics fans, this started at the beginning of the Olympics and talks to athletes about what it’s like in the Olympic Village and how athletes manage outside of their televised competitions. I just started it and find it fascinating.

*Bridgerton: The Official Podcast: This is a fantastic podcast that goes through each episode of the wonderful Netflix series, with interviews with its stars and a lot of backstage players. I loved this!

*The Crown: The Official Podcast: This is the companion podcast to the wonderful Netflix series. It does a deep dive into each episode and interviews key folks that makes this series so captivating.

*Schitt’s Creek podcast: For those, like me, who adored this show, this is a fun podcast that goes into the making of this small Canadian tv show that erupted in the time of Trump to capture all of our hearts and every Emmy award for which they were nominated.

The Plot Thickens: This TCM podcast, with host Ben Mankiewicz, does a deep dive each season into a historically significant Hollywood personality or movie.  The first season dealt with Peter Bogdanovich’s Hollywood history.  The current season covers every aspect of the making of the Bonfire of the Vanities movie from 1990. It’s more interesting than it sounds and covers a lot of historical characters. 

Even The Rich:  This is a comical view of a range of rich figures, usually devoting 3-4 episodes for each rich family being addressed.  They’ve covered the Royal Family, Jay Z and Beyonce, Princess Diana, Madonna, the Murdochs and more.  It’s a light but well researched take on these folks.

Miscellaneous:

*WorkLife with Adam Grant: An organizational psychologist, Adam Grant dives into the keys to creating a better work life.

*Tiny Victories: this very short (maximum 15 minutes) weekly podcast by my childhood friend Annabelle Gurwitch and Laura House shares how fleeting joys and minor accomplishments can make one’s day.

*Go Ask Ali: Ali is comedian Ali Wentworth, who’s married to George Stephanopoulous. She’s hilarious as she speaks to experts about raising kids and navigating life’s challenges.

Dressed – The History of Fashion:  I love fashion and history, so this is a perfect podcast for me.  The two hosts are fashion historians that cover a range of fashion topics that usually can relate to current times. 

*In Vogue: the 1990s: this is Vogue Magazine’s podcast that takes a deep dive into the dichotomy of popular fashion that existed in the 1990s. I hope Vogue continues this podcast and delves into fashion from other decades.

*Us Among the Israelis: I recently discovered this podcast by two American immigrants to Israel that explore the mysteries, frustrations and joys of living in Israel.

Listening to podcasts makes everything I do more enjoyable — whether walking, cooking, painting, cleaning or looking for inspiration. I hope you find some new ones to listen to. No doubt I’ll have a fresh list next year. Enjoy the last weeks of Summer!

When we realized our recently college-graduated son would need a car during his summer internship in San Diego, my husband and I decided to accompany him on a cross-country driving trip. We had been almost nowhere since before the pandemic, so we welcomed this bucket list trip.

In mid-June, we took 10 days to drive the Southern route, minimizing the number of miles we would need to cover each day, with time to do something outdoorsy and fun in each locale. The idea was to leave the car with our son, then rent a car in San Diego to visit friends and family in LA, and fly home. Best laid plans …

Highlights

It was a thrill to discover cities that I normally would never have reason to visit. I was impressed with how well laid out and sophisticated Knoxville, Little Rock and Oklahoma City were, with pockets of artsy, eclectic areas.  We found vegetarian and vegan options everywhere we went (but a bit harder to find in seedier than expected Memphis). We were enthralled with the National Cowboy and Western Heritage Museum in Oklahoma City – it made my Westerns-obsessed husband especially happy. Cadillac Ranch (see photo above) was the only highlight in Amarillo, although seeing cowboys herding cows among the many wind turbines was quite a site. We took some amazing hikes, such as in a state park in Little Rock and the Petrified Forest National Park in Arizona. We got to visit Bill Clinton’s childhood home city of Hot Springs, Arkansas, also a national park. We loved seeing the signs for changing time zones as well as vast solar farms along our route. Witnessing newborn sea lions in La Jolla was so special and unexpected.  In addition to listening to the many podcasts I subscribe to (subject of next month’s blog) during our drive times, we listened to Barack Obama read much of his 900-page book.

Low Points

While the East coast experienced better than normal cool weather during our time away, the Southwestern areas we went through were shocked by excessive heat. It was nice having the flexibility to modify what time of day we did things, but we couldn’t avoid some sweaty hikes.

We might have spoken too soon about how well our 2013 Kia SUV was doing, as no sooner had we arrived in Flagstaff, Arizona, when our engine went kaput. Fortunately, we were on a secondary road and could coast into a gas station that happened to be right there. A nearby Pep Boys manager kindly contacted an auto shop nearby to help us. We were incredibly lucky to get stuck in Flagstaff, which was a comfortable 80 degrees or less, with a quaint downtown and good restaurants.

We experienced first-hand the impact of the pandemic on rental cars, supply chains and staffing. It was impossible to locate a rental car large enough to lug our son’s stuff.  After much effort and drama, we finally secured a UHaul truck (much larger than we needed) that was 2 hours away, meaning a 4-hour roundtrip trek plus loading time before we could move onto our next location – a day late.  Although we had to alter where we spent our last two days of driving, we still arrived in San Diego on the appointed day.

From a staffing point of view, we had to wait two hours in a line to rent a car in San Diego because Thrifty only had one person working (until I posted a public tweet that seemed to work — two more people showed up to work the counter). I guess automatic daily cleaning service in hotels is now a thing of the past — this is now by request only.

Impressions and what I learned about myself

I’m ashamed to admit I’m somewhat of an East Coast snob.  I discounted what turned out to be some really lovely cities. I found myself very attracted to smaller cities like Knoxville and Little Rock, who had adorable downtowns, fantastic river front parks, delicious restaurants and little traffic. Even Oklahoma City had a very artsy area with wonderfully trendy restaurants. I actually could see myself living in some of the places we visited, especially since I hadn’t felt the right-wing zeal that I was expecting.

What I learned about Americans: they don’t seem as obsessed with Donald Trump as I’d feared. While we saw some Trump billboards in southern states (and one Biden one in New Mexico), it was incredibly refreshing that politics never came up in our many (albeit superficial) conversations we had wherever we went.

What I learned about myself: my type A personality could be tamped down. I was pretty mellow about what we did and where we went, and only complained a little during our last, oppressively hot hike in the Petrified Forest National Park. I was not the horrible back seat driver I am known to be, helped by doing some watercolor painting in the back seat (thanks to water brushes that prevent messes).

I realized that situational circumstances matter enormously to how I react to a situation. I am proud that I didn’t freak out as I normally would when our car broke down. We could have easily gotten stuck in one of the many sweltering, down-on-their-luck towns we had recently been through. Rather than complaining about our situation, we just felt relief that we got stuck in Flagstaff. Our Kia did a yeoman’s job of getting us 2,300 miles as we put it through its paces – often driving 80+ mpg (the speed limit was often 75) in 100+ degree heat. I kept my cool even when we had to call numerous places to finally locate our UHaul and arrange, at the last minute, to fly our son to San Diego (UHaul’s only take driver plus one). It was wonderful to travel with two people who always stay calm, so it was only me that could have shook things up. We all were determined to avoid letting two bad days mar what was a fantastic 14-day trip.

Weather matters! It was a shock to arrive to the crisp, cool and wonderful weather of San Diego and then coastal LA. You would never know there was a severe heat wave happening in much of the surrounding areas. It is truly bizarre for East Coasters to go somewhere where the raincoats we bring everywhere would never be needed. While I cherish the results of so much East Coast rain – gorgeous flowers and trees and no fear of drought – I loved not having to worry about rain contingencies. Plus, I love succulents. I was thankful no wildfires or earthquakes impacted us – my two biggest fears.

Final Thoughts

I highly recommend a cross-country trek – as long as one takes a new-ish, rugged car and plans for at least 10 days to drive from one coast to the other.  Seeing our varied and fascinating country in a slow, unstructured way felt like a gift. Oh, and if you’re a +50-year old woman, it pays to have a portable, battery-operated fan to allow for restful sleep in what I’ve found to be inadequately air conditioned hotels.  

From this pandemic, we’ve all learned how precious it is to travel and capture memories with people you love.  I am so grateful that my husband and I got to experience this memorable trip with our son, especially as he enters the great unknown of where he will live and work. 

A huge bonus was seeing friends and family along our route — my college roommate Carolyn; nephew David and his bride Abby; past D.C. friends Michael and Margaret; childhood friends Lauren and Barbara; cousin Aliya, Zach and tiny baby Aria; and cousin Marlene. Thank you all for being available and wonderful hosts. Traveling is made even more meaningful when you get to see folks you have not seen in a while, in their environment.

Post-script about our Kia:  it remained in Flagstaff and Kia took full responsibility to not only replace the engine, but also transport it to my son in San Diego. Hopefully, he’ll get a few weeks’ use out of the car that was the reason for our trip. 

Helpful resources for a driving trip:

Google Maps to plan the route

Trip Advisor to identify where to stay and stuff to do at each stop  

Waze app for optimized, up-to-the-minute driving directions

Yelp app to find restaurants

IExit app to find gas, restaurants and other information as you’re driving

Gasbuddy app to find gas stations along the route

https://AtlasObscura.com to identify unique places to visit in any location

As we enter post-pandemic life and many return to their offices, even if just a few days a week, it’s time to restore our observational powers.  In looking back at my years working for others, being conscious of what was happening around me – with colleagues, superiors and friends – brought many career and other benefits that I want to share. Much of this is obvious but not always appreciated for its impact on our success.

Reading the Room

I gleaned so much from observing how those around me operated, especially in meetings.  How thoughts were formulated and conveyed could be either powerful or fall flat – it was very evident.  Those that were most effective tended to speak clearly, cogently and with evidence, and most importantly, in a measured way and without excessive emotion. For most of us, this is a learned skill that takes intentional practice.

I found it’s best not to waste people’s time with stupid banter during a meeting, but that banter is still important to connect folks before or at the end of a meeting. Thinking before reacting continues to be a golden rule in meetings (although I can definitely be accused of not always doing that). 

What makes zoom meetings so tough is the difficulty of reading the room, which is then made impossible when individual cameras are turned off.  I am reminded of an instance during the Bush Administration when a political appointee was on the phone to a room full of in-person folks. She was trying to impose a policy change that made no sense to those present. She kept pushing her view and failed to pick up the negative reactions. The whole meeting was a bust  — she ruined her reputation and was soon booted out of her job. Her inability to read a room – even when she was present – was what led to her demise.

Advice for those in a new position

I came into the U.S. Government as a Presidential Management Fellow, meaning (at the time) that we were encouraged to rotate to different offices during our first two years of government.  I learned after the first rotation the importance of easing into a new position.

In grad school, we were advised to come in blazing to a new job to make a strong and positive impression. Wrong! I found being too eager to be off putting to those who have been toiling in an office or team, and they rarely appreciate eager young things coming in too gung-ho. 

Instead, what works best is approaching a new position humbly.  Being enthusiastic about a new opportunity is fine, but co-workers tend to prefer a more low-key approach from new folks. Rather than rushing to impress, it’s best to be in a learning and deferential mode. I found it extremely helpful to keep my eyes and ears open for how people interact with each other and observe the pace and culture of the office’s operating style. This can avoid creating a bad first impression, which is hard to overcome.    

Social Cues

To this day, I feel guilty about an interchange I had with an African American friend years ago.  She and I were having lunch together, and she told me how uncomfortable she felt when we walked into the restaurant and felt everyone staring at her.  I must digress and point out that she was a gorgeous woman.  My reaction was that people were staring at her because she is stunning, not because she is black.  I had thought I was making her feel better but I now know that I discounted her feeling and failed to engage in what could have been a helpful discussion for both of us. I no longer am in touch with her, but I’ve thought of her a lot in the past year of BLM discussions.

Another key to success is being sensitive to how best to interact with individuals in a way that they respond to. I found that for the administrative staff I worked with, taking the time to ask them about their weekend or their families before delving into my request was the best way for them to feel seen and me to get what I needed. For others who were extremely busy and not in the mood for chitchat, I learned to dive immediately into what I was there for. Distinguishing what is needed in each circumstance is a process, like building muscle strength through focused effort and time.

Imprinting Observations

So many people I know are either starting new jobs or internships or moving into new roles in the Biden Administration. I hope folks take the time to really examine interchanges that they are a part of.  Take note of what is effective in how people communicate in meetings – whether one-on-one or larger meetings.  Consider how those that impress pace themselves, how much they use humor or a smile, and most importantly, how others react and how their comments affect the discussion. 

It’s equally valuable to recognize and remember what doesn’t work. It’s for this reason that few people would want to go back to their younger self without the accompanying life lessons they’ve accumulated.  Honing one’s observational powers builds these lessons, which hopefully will deliver benefits in the future.

The point of this blog is to encourage interaction, not to intimidate. Participation makes a mark, especially if built on best practices.  It bugged me when I would send someone to represent my team at a meeting and they didn’t vocalize our perspective on an issue. That was a waste.  So, for those who are shy about speaking up, my advice is to prepare and be ready to weigh in at the appropriate time. It’s important to be seen and heard!

Please share your thoughts. I’d love to know views on what is expected as we emerge out of Covid-19 and into a new normal.

Recommended listens:

Fareed Zakaria interview on our post-pandemic world, with interesting insights on the importance of human interactions.

Podcast interview with Esther Perel on the complexities of trust, power and people pleasing, especially in the work world.

As we near the end of the Big Pause, there are a lot of adjustments being made, perhaps permanently, to the work setting – some that Covid just accelerated.

One I wonder about in particular – what will happen to the many informal interactions that happen during the course of regular, in person work environments?  For me, these informal interactions were pivotal to my career progression.  Is it possible to create informal but meaningful interactions  in the virtual work setting?  Will these interactions ever return?  Have they been replaced in a satisfying way?

From what I’m hearing, some teams are actually more cohesive as they’ve made a concerted effort to use Slack and other apps to manage collaboration or institute regular virtual happy hours to help morale and encourage team dynamics.

What I’m talking about is different.  It’s about the interactions that happen outside of one’s primary team or direct line of authority, providing alternative perspectives and opportunities.  This is especially relevant to those working in medium to large organizations.

Chance interactions can make all the difference  

My initial foray into working in climate change came from repeated corridor conversations with someone who would become an important player in the U.S. Government’s climate change policy.  When he became a bigwig at the US Department of Energy (DOE) in the new Clinton Administration, he asked me to become his special assistant as the Administration began to develop the United States’ first Climate Change Action Plan in 1993.  I had been working in natural gas policy, not the most exciting field for me.  Meeting my future boss and then nurturing that relationship was key to my entering this new climate change field, which is now the defining issue of our time and the foreseeable future.  This recurring interaction started and evolved in an informal setting – the hallway between our two offices. 

Much later, I was working in another office on a less than exciting issue and for someone who I found to be a clueless and poor manager.  I knew I had to change jobs.  Luckily, I ran into a senior leader in the elevator, and lamented my situation.  He happened to need help and offered me a job on the spot.  He also had the authority to move me into a new position very quickly.  This elevator conversation was pivotal to my quick exit from an extremely negative experience into a very positive one. Again, it is doubtful this interchange would have happened if not for its randomness.

There were numerous times that a young person stuck their head into my office, or we talked while walking down the hallway or as we were leaving a meeting.  In every case, this initial informal interaction started a series of conversations that proved helpful to these folks in dealing with a difficult work situation or planning for a new work move.  I’m not sure if these relationships would have happened if not in this low-risk way, given how scary it is to approach someone you don’t know.

This face time makes a difference. There are so many people I met initially or ran into after a long time in this accidental way – in the cafeteria, getting coffee, in the gym downstairs in my building, or just walking inside or outside of work.  I may have been pulled into a meeting that I might not otherwise have been privy to.  Or someone thought of me for a position or team because they had just seen me getting my cappuccino.  Or the kindred connection that is immediately established when you realize you’re in a meeting with someone you usually see in workout clothes in the gym.  

Recognizing some positives from virtual work  

I recognize that there are some positives that have come with Covid.  For many that can keep the same working hours as before, finding two extra hours each day that are no longer needed for commuting has been great for sleeping longer, or gardening or exercising more.  Many prefer the reduced micromanaging from their bosses who no longer can look over their shoulder — literally. Others don’t have to travel all the time and cherish more time spent with their families. 

We are all much more understanding, and actually delighted, when we see someone’s dog or child in their zoom screen during a meeting.  The humanity that we now afford each other is hopefully translating, permanently, into a more generous and supportive work/life atmosphere. This is a welcome change.

It’s hard to prove a counterfactual

In climate change analysis, we often talk about the difficulty of proving additionality – would something have happened anyway? That may be the case here.  Will one’s career really suffer if they don’t have the opportunity for chance interactions? Is it time anyway to evolve beyond this?

Still, I worry especially about the early career folks or someone new to a job, finding themselves in a virtual or much reduced in-person work situation. For my son and others just graduating from college and entering the work world, how will they find informal mentors or expand their networks? How do they build the organizational muscle that develops from seeing how others conduct themselves, or by observing non-verbal cues so crucial to understanding how to get things done effectively? How do they meet folks outside of their immediate office? It’s a different experience running into someone or meeting someone through others than having to set an appointment for a get-to-know you chat.  

Perhaps a lesson from reduced in person interactions is that we must take more initiative to reach out to others rather than rest on the serendipity of running into someone, stopping in someone’s office, or having your colleague introduce you to someone on the way to a meeting.  To what extent do folks now have to become even more bold to make such connections? Or will they stay limited in who they know and what opportunities are open to them?

The value of the wider, weaker circle

I would say that most folks in their 50’s and 60’s would welcome a younger person approaching  them for advice.  It’s just counter to what most junior employees would expect.  It’s intimidating to ask for a meeting when you don’t feel worthy enough to warrant a senior person spending their precious work time with you. 

However, there is evidence that most people obtain jobs not from their inner circle, but from a much wider, weaker circle (listen to first podcast I link to below).  So, reaching out to friends of friends of friends, or colleagues of colleagues of colleagues, or senior folks you don’t really know, is imperative to moving along one’s career path. Taking every opportunity to expand one’s network is just as important now in pandemic times and as we slowly emerge. It’s just harder and takes more guts.

Are informal interactions still as vital as they were to me?   

I would love to hear from you about how your organization has adjusted to informal relationships.  Some managers are making a concerted effort to address this, and team building has been great.  But what about meeting others outside of your team?  How does one foster a wider professional network? How has this changed for you – good or bad? Please let me know your thoughts on this.  I would love to start a discussion about this.

Recommended listens:

Helpful podcast episode on Navigating Career Turbulence

Jennifer Palmieri’s interview with Mika Brzezinski on the common mistakes women make during pay negotiations and how we can fight for what we need. 

As I wrote in one of my earliest blogs, I love the Millennial generation.  In my experience working with many Millennials at the US Department of Energy (DOE), they are resourceful, upbeat, creative and fun.  I just have not experienced the disparaging qualities that have too often been assigned to this generation.

In particular, I want to showcase two folks who used to work for and with me.  Erin Twamley and Josh Sneideman are truly walking the talk on climate change. They both saw a gap and have worked hard to fill it.

Erin came to work for me in her mid-twenties.  She immediately struck me as an outside-the-box thinker and problem solver. She also had a gentle way to prod her colleagues and superiors to think differently and more creatively.  She instantly became indispensable to me and others.  Erin helped take our efforts on clean energy workforce development and education into the next level – more strategic and impactful.

Josh came into DOE with the explosive force that anyone who knows him will understand.  Josh was a middle school teacher who was accepted as an Einstein Fellow, a prestigious program for K-12 teachers to gain government experience that they could take back into education.  Of course, Einstein Fellows had a lot to teach us in government too.  Josh was a dynamo from the start – brimming with a million ideas and never taking “no” for an answer.  As a long-time Fed, I often fell into the bureaucratic trap of finding it easier to say “no” than “yes.”  Josh constantly pushed the envelope, and overcame my hesitancy over and over. His audacity and ingenuity expanded our ability to promote our energy literacy guidelines to a vast network across government agencies and educational organizations like you can’t imagine.  He finagled ways to get DOE to hold programs that heretofore were deemed not possible.  He also took on being a morale booster par excellence for a large office that was not always a happy place. I never laughed as much as when working with Josh.

Spreading the gospel about climate and energy

Erin and Josh enabled our team to make a much deeper impact than our budget would suggest.  We wanted to not only prepare the clean energy workforce, but also inspire those outside of the industry (including kids) to see themselves working in clean energy or benefiting from (i.e., saving money) an increased understanding of energy. These efforts resulted in, among many others, a TedEd video (“A Guide to the Energy of the Earth”) that to date has more than 800,000 views; a unique partnership with the American Geosciences Institute to create a video series on what had been our recently released Energy Literacy Guidelines; a partnership with HUD to develop opportunities for public housing residents to learn about and prepare for jobs in clean energy; and the start of the Women@Energy series that continues in a vigorous way today. At the time, these were each very unique activities for DOE.

Erin and Josh left government during the final year of the Obama Administration, each pursuing opportunities in education outside of government. They had the foresight to address a need that aligns with the current Biden Administration mantra:  that clean energy is a win-win-win by creating jobs, enhancing local and national economic development, and addressing climate change. They have written several award-winning books that are intended to motivate kids to learn about climate change and energy, and for younger kids, Erin’s book about how cow farts are funny AND huge greenhouse gas emitters. 

For their latest project, Erin and Josh recognized that the incredible achievements of women in STEM and energy were simply not being recognized in elementary and middle school classrooms.  They came to this need through their experiences interfacing with so many amazing energy professionals at DOE and its national labs. Together, they worked nights and weekends for two years to launch their current book series, called Everyday Superheroes:  Women in STEM Careers. This series of books showcase incredible female scientists that show girls how that they can use their natural interest in science, climate change and energy and possibly become one of those scientists one day.

I could have used their books when my daughter was young and thirsty for female role models.  We had to search high and low for such books. The most valuable ones I found were at a used bookfair, and they were about historical figures like Florence Nightingale and Nelly Bly – clearly not women living in the current time.

Making a Mark

Erin and Josh have each married and had a few kids, with several domestic and international moves.  And that’s just since 2015, when we last worked together.

I am in awe of their tireless efforts and ability to balance work and family as they build a movement. They are merging many worlds and luckily for me, taking me along for some of their ride. 

They are even indirectly responsible for inspiring me to launch this blog. We talked a lot about my career experiences to help them maneuver in government and consider their own career trajectories. This was just the start of many similar interactions I had with younger DOE staff.  I found it very gratifying to share my path, both good and bad. I realized that we all need a pep talk about our careers – hence, the theme of my blog — Perspective on my Career and Life.

We all can make a mark, but the size of the mark is only limited by our own imagination.  As Erin and Josh work to write a new Superheroes book (and related materials and activities) focusing on Women in Clean Energy, I hope their example triggers readers to think outside the box and identify how they can help to transform our world in a positive way.  Josh and Erin recognize the existential crisis that climate change holds for our Earth.  Rather than moan about it, they are doing something about it.

I have learned a lot and continue to be inspired by them and other Millennials and Gen Z’ers, including (among many others) DaNel Hogan, Mathew Inman, Alexis Speros Powers, Allison Kopf, Kara Podkaminer, Karma Sawyer, Krystal Layman, Madeline Salzman, AnneMarie Horowitz, Carla Frisch, Joe Simon, Mike Mueller and Holly Carr. I hold special praise for Michelle Fox, whose idea it was to develop a broad-based approach to Energy Literacy during her time at DOE.

It’s not easy to find the gumption to launch something, whether it’s a blog, book, company or new way of thinking.  As we used to say in the 1980’s, my advice is just to …. GO FOR IT!

Please give a shout out to those you know that are stepping up and doing the vital work to make our world a better place.  We need their inspiration!

Shout Out to Solar Decathlon 2021

Talking about inspiration.  Today starts the latest Solar Decathlon, an amazing university competition where student teams design and build innovative, solar-powered houses over two years.  This year’s competition is not only virtual, allowing anyone to “visit” the houses, but all the houses are built in the team’s home locale, rather than in a central location as in prior events.  My favorite and final DOE job was as Director of the Solar Decathlon.  I always feel optimistic and almost giddy about our collective future after seeing the amazing houses that these student competitors create. Feel free to learn more and “tour” the houses.

Before you go:  Please feel free to check out Erin and Josh’s Kickstarter to support their latest book and preorder your own copy.  I love their books and think you will too!

Here are the links to other books by Erin Twamley and Josh Sneideman:

Climate Change: Discover How It Impacts Spaceship Earth (Build It Yourself)

Renewable Energy: Discover the Fuel of the Future with 20 Projects (Build It Yourself)

Everyday Superheroes:  Women in STEM Careers

Climate Change: The Science Behind Melting Glaciers and Warming Oceans with Hands-On Science Activities (Build It Yourself)

Erin’s book:  Capturing Farts and Burps

Note: this blog post was originally a LinkedIn article

There are 2 times in my life where I realized I was really an adult: 1) when my kids vomited on me and I was more worried about them than myself, and 2) when I proactively looked for life and long-term care insurance.  

Jump to #2.  In my experience, whether one deals well with insurance, taxes, investments, etc. is often dependent on how one’s family of origin dealt with it. These “adult” responsibilities are not fun or particularly interesting but are vital to having a safe and sustainable life. I am so thankful that my father impressed on me the need to never go even one minute without health insurance. My parents also modeled for me how to be responsible about insurance and investments. I am thankful that I listened to them and maxed out my 401k since beginning my government job. The time value of money invested over thirty years has enabled me to become one of the 401k millionaires. It was actually relatively painless — I didn’t notice these missing funds as they were automatically withdrawn from my paycheck.

Since we’re in the month before tax day, I thought this would be an appropriate time to raise these issues. People rarely talk with their peers about these responsibilities. If you don’t have someone in your life talking about this stuff, this is my effort to fill this void. For some, this list is a given and nothing new, but I hope that it serves others that are confused and/or ignoring these vital actions.

Here are my top set of considerations you should be evaluating now:

1) Funding your Retirement: if you have a dollar match for your 401k/403b retirement plan at work, make sure to at least meet the maximum match. So, if your company will match up to 5% of your salary, you must put in at least 5% to get the full match. I would go further and highly recommend doing the maximum (currently $19,500, with the option for an additional $6,500 catch-up contribution for those over 50). You will thank yourself when you start seriously thinking about retirement. Make this automatic so your spending will focus on your net income.

Note on Roth Accounts: If you can manage putting your investments in a Roth IRA account – meaning you pay the taxes going in – I think it’s always worth it. Be mindful, however, of not inadvertently putting yourself into the next, higher tax bracket. A Roth allows investments to continue to grow, without having to worry about a tax bite when you take it out.  Also, in case you care to leave money to your heirs, changes in the recent tax law could wreak havoc on them, since the new requirement is that Required Minimum Distributions (RMD) must be taken over ten years rather than a much longer timeframe. This means that your heirs could face a huge tax bill in each of those ten years. A Roth is not subject to this RMD restrictions. Again, to take advantage of a Roth, you must have the cash to pay the tax in the current tax year, so that’s a huge consideration. The younger you are, the more a Roth provides a significant benefit, allowing time to do its thing.

2) Taxable Investments:  If at all possible, have taxable investments outside of your retirement account, with a minimum amount to cover emergency expenses if you lose your job or encounter another emergency. This is also an important source of funds for prized vacations, household improvements or spending money prior to or in retirement. Taking the long view on this will pay off, I promise. Make sure to invest funds beyond your emergency stash, and not just keep them in cash until you have time to deal with it. Compounding interest and dividends over time makes a big difference!

3) Life Insurance: Figuring this out is a daunting, largely unpleasurable experience. But if you own something that you cannot afford on your salary alone and/or have kids, you must have life insurance. I realized the need for term life insurance when my husband and I bought a home whose mortgage I could not have covered if something happened to him and his salary! Just swallow and take the time to learn about insurance and make good decisions. Be careful about who you use to get the insurance, as many insurance brokers have a disincentive to put your interests first. If possible, get term insurance that will make it until your kids are out of college. This is not always possible if there are health issues. Interestingly, if you do a good job with investments, etc., you likely will not need insurance once the 20 or 30-year term of the insurance expires, because your investments should be enough to cover you. I recommend getting a lot more than you think is needed to ride the inflation that will occur over the life of the insurance.

4) Creating a will if you have kids or property.  This is a bit of an expense but is key to ensuring that your kids and your property are protected in case you or your spouse/partner die, especially earlier than expected. While I dreaded doing it and paying for it, the process had the unexpectedly positive benefit of getting my husband and I talking about what mattered to each of us.    

5) Long-term Care insurance: This is the activity where I realized I truly was an adult and had to face what I would do if my spouse or I were infirm, and how we would pay for it.  Again, take the time to learn about this from neutral sources (the US Government puts out really valuable information – see below) and make the investment if it makes sense.

6) 529 college investments:  I am so grateful that we started making monthly investments as soon as each of my kids got their social security numbers, when they were less than a year old. Time value of money really added up, leading my kids to have enough money in their 529 accounts to fund their (public!) college education. It helped A LOT that grandparents invested in each kid’s account for every birthday and Hanukkah. I could not have retired when I did without this financial certainty.

7) Fun money:  It is critical that each partner have the flexibility to spend on things they value, within reason. Not having to negotiate every transaction is key to a healthy partnership/marriage.   

8) Reflecting regularly on where you are re: your wealth: Discuss with your spouse/partner at least once a year. I actually enjoy this process but know it’s unpleasant for most people. Just do it.

9) Putting everything in one place:  I’m still working on this one, but co-locating vital information (account information; passwords, wills, safety deposit access information, etc.) in one place is the best present we can provide to our survivors. I promise to get this done before my next blog. My version of accountability!

It helps so much to find neutral, objective advice before jumping into any of these.  Before I got a financial planner, I had a Morningstar membership (around $150/year).  It helped me understand a lot of financial concepts, kept track of my investments, and allowed me to research new investments – without the conflict of interest that investment houses like Fidelity, Vanguard or T. Rowe Price inevitably have.  On insurance, I like government pamphlets, especially related to long-term care insurance (such as https://longtermcare.acl.gov/ ). 

Finally, I wish we were all more open with our friends about this. Not to generalize, but I feel that men are better at this than women, at least about talking about investments. Ladies, let’s start having these conversations with our friends and family.

What a Year It’s Been

A year ago this week is when covid-19 really hit home. Both of my college students had to start full virtual classes, and could not return to their universities.  For my son, we went through the craziness of finding him a flight home from his study abroad program in Scotland.  We realized my husband, who recently had major surgery and was now on immunosuppressant medication, was now at very high risk.  He’s barely left the house since, except for walks and periodic blood tests. We had just had our last indoor restaurant experience, celebrating my daughter’s birthday.  Our lives, like everyone’s, went full virtual.

We’ve nearly made it folks – just a few more months to go, hopefully! What’s on your list – for both things you need to tackle, and your post-covid wish list??

Recommended listens:

Informative interview from NPR’s Market Place hosts Kai Rissdal and Molly Wood and New School labor economist Teresa Ghilarducci on the (not so great) state of retirement plans (as of December 2020, when this episode was recorded). 

NPR/KERA’s Think podcast episode on How To Become More Open-Minded – how sometimes growth comes through unlearning ideas we’ve always thought to be true.  

Since starting this blog, I’ve come to realize that I’m essentially a lazy writer. Sitting at my desk to dream up ideas just doesn’t cut it for me.  Rather, my writing style is to let inspiration catch me. So my cellphone ends up being my most important aid.

I find most of my inspiration while on my daily walk, listening to a wide variety of podcasts. It’s pretty intimate listening to the radio or podcasts – it’s just you and the show.  Being out in nature just adds to it, inviting a connection between what I’m learning about and my life. It is not uncommon to see me stopped on the street typing an idea or even my first draft into my cellphone.  Usually, the most cogent way to phrase a thought pops into my head when I’m doing something else.  Sometimes, my blog ideas come while in the shower.  Yup, I’ve rushed out of the shower more than a few times to add text to my notes app while dripping wet (sorry for TMI).  Writing things down immediately relieves my brain from having to remember them.  While I do multiple rounds of edits sitting in front of my laptop, I never come up with an idea or write a first draft there.

Lazy …. or Efficient?

I call this my lazy approach. I view it as lazy because it doesn’t require much effort.  Rather than sit and suffer, I allow inspiration to feed me.  No pain but gain …

Putting an adjective – lazy – on my approach got me to thinking about how I operated in my working years in government.  In retrospect, it was all about this lazy method.  If I had the luxury of advance notice that I was on the hook to produce a product or presentation, I would let thoughts simmer in my brain as far in advance as possible, jotting down ideas, an outline, or sketchy visuals as they came to me.  As the time got nearer, I did a concentrated refinement at my desk.

Connecting many dots, I’ve realized that this reflects my natural predilection to avoid high pressure situations.  As my kids know, Murphy’s Law (i.e., anything that can happen WILL happen) is a guiding principle for me.  It’s a key theme of how my parents raised me. While I shuddered each time my parents said it, and my kids still shudder today when I say “Remember – Murphy’s law,” it has defined my process for so many things in my life.

I never thought of myself as anxious, but it seems my modis operandi (MO) might just be anxiety avoidance. Many prefer to live in the moment and put off studying or completing a task until the last minute, with good results. Not me. I’m not one who did an all-nighter in college. I would worry that I might get sick or be so overcome with fear that I might not finish.  So, I have always deferred to my plodding routine – do a little here and there and build up the workload so I am rarely overwhelmed at the end. Call it lazy… or efficient…

Trusting our decision-making process

Over time, I have come to trust that arriving at decisions is in line with my lazy method.  I allow the pros and cons of a personal or career-related decision to percolate, knowing that I will soon just know which way to go. This allows my brain and heart to meld into agreement. Again, what makes it lazy is that I am comfortable with temporary indecision and don’t force the process into a compressed timeline.

Many struggle with making decisions. Rather than suffer needlessly, it helps to think back to how they’ve been made before. Everyone has made a ton of decisions but may think of them as individually unrelated. I choose to believe that there was a common theme in the system that led to the result. It’s a matter of identifying each person’s pattern of what works, and then rely on it going forward.

This month’s blog is dedicated to my beloved dog Tori, who passed away on January 26 at almost 15.  In a circuitous way, this blog’s theme is aligned with how we treat our pets.  Do we trust them off-leash? Do we focus on positive reinforcement to achieve behavior change?  Do we treat them as a cherished family member, never banishing them when visitors come over? Whatever style one has, it comes down to being instinctual and confident. 

Since we are all so unique, our personal MO — for decision-making, writing/creating/presenting and pet parenting — needs to be authentic to each of us. Whether you feel your style is lazy, rigorous or last minute, I would love to hear your process and how you (hopefully) came to trust it.

What I want to share this month:

The Daily podcast’s quick and dirty summary of Biden climate plan and it’s likely impacts on Americans and our economy. 

Pointers on HOW TO LOOK BETTER ON ZOOM [ How to Light & Angle Your Screen to Look Your Best] – YouTube

Fascinating tour of American accents from this Wired Magazine 21 minute YouTube video.  

The icon I most admire may surprise you.

My choice is Iris Apfel, who became a superstar in her 80s. She is known for her trademark glasses and funky fashion choices. Especially remarkable is that her fame came at such an advanced age, when women have usually been discounted and dismissed for years.

Although a well-known textile expert over many decades, she became widely recognized for her distinctive fashion sense that counters much of the strictly defined standards of the fashion industry.  This uptight industry focuses primarily on what looks good on the under 25 year-old, emaciated set and has firm rules about how many accessories are acceptable (not more than 1-2!) in an outfit. 

Forget that.  Rather than conforming to a set standard, Iris’ choices turn a nose to them.  Her outfits are gutsy, independent and fun-loving. She is especially known for unapologetically flouting the above-mentioned rules about wearing too many stand-out accessories.  She is no snob, and can be as delighted by a $1 bracelet as a priceless frock or a piece of jewelry.

With her outrageous fashions and large black round glasses, she has positively impacted so many, including her much younger Instagram followers. Her signature style even became a theme for the Met Gala – the highest compliment by the Vogue set.

What I’ve learned from Iris

Living in the relatively conservative Washington, DC area, it’s rare to see fashion independence.  While I am not nearly as flamboyant as Iris, she has given me the courage to wear bold clothes, shoes or jewelry in a way that feels fun and spirited.  Her example has given me the confidence to mix colors and “too much” jewelry. 

While one’s outfits are not that meaningful in the scheme of things, her fearlessness is what inspires me.  Her style is a lesson in authenticity, which can be applied in myriad ways – how we dress, how we operate in our personal and work lives, and in what policies and programs we advocate for.

In addition, Iris has positively influenced our public perception of aging. Iris being Iris shows that aging doesn’t have to be a negative.  She gleefully shows her wrinkles.  She wears outrageous outfits, always with a smile that lights up every photo she’s in.  Her signature glasses – never a fashion “do” — immediately identify her.  She shows that we can change how we portray ourselves at any age.  Wikipedia reports that Iris signed a modeling contract in 2019 at 97 years old!

I watch the 2015 documentary, Iris, at least annually to be reminded of her impact and just to be entertained.  Please take the time to watch this fascinating and heartwarming story of an icon (and her adorable husband, who unfortunately, has since passed). 

Of course, RBG

For so many, Ruth Bader Ginsburg is an icon to be admired and emulated.  She spoke about her greatest influence – her mother – who taught her to always act like a lady and to never lead with anger.  She applied these lessons masterfully.  Rather than show her anger, she used that energy to develop legal strategies to overcome institutional sexism in our system. 

As a Federal judge and then Supreme Court Justice, she took the long view in her dissents – putting a lot of effort into eloquently explaining how the law must be changed, knowing that later jurists would use her dissents to guide their decisions. She was a tiny woman with a soft voice, but that never got in the way of the respect afforded her. I love that she was an exercise fiend; an opera lover; best friends with her political opposite; an amazing wife, parent and grandmother; and an extremely hard worker.  We can all take lessons from how she lived her life.

The Amazing Stacey Abrams

Stacey Abrams brilliantly led the charge on voting rights and black empowerment that led to two Democratic Senators being elected in last week’s runoff.  She came into Georgia politics ten years ago when Democratic power was at its lowest ever.  Rather than cop to it, she methodically created a strategy that mobilized black and other previously disenfranchised voters, resulting in a much-needed change in who represents Georgia, and ultimately who controls the US Senate.    

It is not exaggerating to say that her efforts may have literally saved our Earth.  With Democrats in the Senate majority, even by the smallest margin, vital climate change and infrastructure policy and funding are much more likely to be adopted legislatively.  Her determination and perseverance have taught us and our electoral system how to address and overcome disenfranchisement, with long-lasting and positive consequences. She has earned icon status.

The Everyday Icons Among US

I’m always amazed by how small or random interactions can change our mood or point of view.  I always loved those doormen/front desk clerks who greeted me so warmly and enthusiastically, getting me to smile and jump-start my day. I love watching parents on the metro or at the park who are so delighted by simply hanging out with their child.  Or the person who gives an upbeat and informative briefing or talk in a field I never thought about but got me to consider how interesting it might be to work in that field.  I always appreciated those I encountered in my workplace who were so busy yet took the time to talk with me in a thoughtful, unhurried way. Or someone who leads a meeting in a patient and present manner, knowing that so much was waiting for them when they returned to their offices. It’s worth recognizing small or large acts of generosity in our relatives, friends, colleagues, neighbors, and random people we may run into once or many times.

We all get to write our own stories.  The events of the past four years, and especially the last week, have shown us the need for moral courage in our words and actions. Icons can give us the confidence to stay true to our convictions in how we conduct ourselves. Iris Apfel worked in a very different industry than I did, but I found much to admire and apply in my personal and work life.  Who’s your icon?

Disclaimer:  After January 6th’s insurgency, I want to emphasize that this blog is focused on icons that inspire moral, gutsy behavior only. Donald Trump and his ilk, unfortunately, serve as icons for too many, and only in the most negative, counterproductive, and harmful ways. 

Recommended listens:

For those for whom Shakespeare is your icon, listen to this podcast episode from KERA’s Think about the influence of the Bubonic plague, which was a constant during Shakespeare’s lifetime, on his life and plays. 

Tiny Victories Podcast.  A new podcast by my childhood friend, Annabelle Gurwitch and her co-host, Laura House.  They are comedians that see hilarious and heartwarming tiny victories in everyday experiences in short 10-15 minute episodes.  Here’s a link to the first episode. 

I can trace 2020 through the evolution of this blog.  My first one came out in January, when few had heard of the coronavirus.  My intention was to provide my perspective, from my career and life, to aid others as they navigate the working world, in particular. 

However …. the pandemic hit, and as we all needed to, I had to pivot. Not only did my life experience not lend itself to operating under a pandemic, but so many of our work concerns paled in comparison to the devastation wrought by a lethal, microscopic virus. My desire to have pre-written, evergreen blogs that I could post monthly soon morphed into new thoughts and reactions to our current predicament.    

Now, as we approach the end of this turbulent, politically charged and covid-filled year, I hope to turn back to applying lessons I’ve learned to career and life circumstances that others may experience. 

In thinking through what applies at this juncture of our covid journey, I’ve realized that being consciously strategic in all aspects of our lives can be particularly helpful by providing balance and reducing angst.

We normally employ “strategy” in military, policy or work settings – creating a multidimensional action plan that focuses on accomplishing a large (ex. winning a war; conquering climate change) or tactical (ex. winning a battle; increasing local renewable energy adoption) goal. 

In this time, being “strategic” can be adapted to being as efficient as one can be while also giving oneself a break. In all things. This doesn’t help win a war or conquer a large policy goal, but at a personal level, it allows us to more gently get through this pandemic.

Parenting

I have nothing but admiration for parents with small or older kids who still need help navigating online school or mental anguish.  Those with jobs now have at least double the workload, including having to replace playmates so critical to kids’ social development and overall happiness.  I can only imagine how I would cope in such tough circumstances. Being a single or unemployed parent just compounds the difficulty. 

What I’ve come to realize as a parent is that patience always took me a lot farther than showing anger or impatience.  Kids just don’t react well to anything that rings of disapproval.  Being strategic in this circumstance might mean maintaining as cool a manner as possible (even while seething) to keep your kids calm, happy and on track with their schoolwork or job search.

As kids age, what’s really tough for parents is controlling one’s own anxiety about our kids’ school work, grades and/or career trajectory.  While our instinct is to speak up and insert ourselves, the strategic approach is to let them go about their business, but be supportive and encouraging, and only offer assistance if asked.  This is TOUGH, especially for pushy folks like me.  

What may help most for those with kids entering the workforce — and key to maintaining good relationships — is projecting confidence onto our kids that they WILL be successful.  What they need most is reassurance that their efforts will result in finding a job, a place to live, and/or a temporary love or life partner.  I know I will need to be reminded of this in the coming year as my oldest graduates college and looks for a job, even as unemployment is at an all-time high.    

Work

So often my advice in this realm starts with stopping by someone’s office or having coffee with a colleague to get another perspective on the issues you may be facing at work.  That, and the informal interactions so valuable in navigating the work world, are all out the window at the moment. 

When working in government for so long, I tried to consciously prioritize spending time and mental energy on things that actually mattered and were worth taxpayers’ dollars. This may have involved communicating with stakeholders, analyzing data and information, tracking budget expenditures, working with colleagues to create a tactical and strategic plan, and preparing decision memos or briefing slides that could lead to real change. Getting those right was worth deep effort. 

An example of what wasn’t worth taxpayers’ dollars: when I worked on budget formulation, the ridiculous changes in format directed by someone at the Office of Management and Budget (OMB) in the middle of the process.  The changes made no material difference to the few that actually read the budget, but spun up thousands of folks across the government. This was neither strategic nor a good use of precious resources, especially for the agency responsible for management and budget! I actually once had the occasion to tell the head of OMB this …

Many are complaining that having zoom meetings all day is exhausting.  I’m unsure why everything needs to be on video.  At the Department of Energy, we normally worked with national labs all over the country and in different time zones.  We just got used to working with others via phone calls and email, and very rarely used video connections.  Years could go by before I met in person colleagues that I worked with regularly.  We rarely sweated the lack of in person interaction.  I caution my friends not to feel that everything needs to be done via zoom or google teams.  Just pick up the phone instead. 

For those with a performance plan with specific elements, it’s worth making sure that progress is being made on all elements, and not concentrating on only one.  This will help when it comes time for performance reviews, which lead to bonuses and promotions.  This is obvious, but I had to include it.

Home Life and Leisure

Being strategic about balancing work and home responsibilities helps to navigate this time when we can’t really look forward to travel or celebrations. More than ever, we have to be conscious about injecting joy into our days.  Doing something enjoyable and restorative is more important to one’s mental health than dusting another shelf.  Taking a walk or watching a show on Netflix should not give anyone guilt.  Go for it!

If asked to do something for your kid’s school, volunteer organization or religious institution, take a minute to assess whether this is how you want to spend your time.  Feeling obligated is not enough of a reason to take it on.   

Friends/Relatives

This is tricky.  It’s okay to take a break if that’s what you need.  I personally have really valued reaching out to others in this time.  However, some are just overloaded and don’t have any more time or energy for those outside of their work and home bubble.  I get that. 

However ….  I think women, in particular, too often sacrifice time with girlfriends because they are so focused on work and family obligations.  My experience is that time with girlfriends brings a disproportionate amount of joy.  This investment becomes even more rewarding as one enters empty nest and retirement years.  I was lucky to travel to visit several friends around the world in the year before covid hit.  I can’t tell you how meaningful it has been to re-ignite long-standing relationships with people I adore but may not get to see much.  Prioritizing my nearby friends – through a weekly zoom happy hour, a phone call and/or walks – has been incredibly energizing. Regardless of covid, this investment is crucial to long-term happiness.

Goodbye 2020!

I don’t know anyone who will be sad to see 2020 turn to 2021.  We can all bid adieu to the most deadly, debilitating and divisive year of most of our lives.  But, as in all previous national or global traumas, there are things we can celebrate that could have long-lasting, positive impacts.    

This is what I’m celebrating:

What are you celebrating?  Are you consciously being more strategic about an area of your life?

Wishing you much health, happiness and opportunity as we enter 2021.  Happy Holidays!  And stay safe in our covid winter!

What has inspired me this month: 

A Vanity Fair interview with Barack Obama, who brings a helpful and humane perspective from his career and life. A nice, quick interview, which may also help to decide whether to read his very long book. 

I’m a big fan of StoryCorps and its app.  StoryCorps helps common folks capture wonderful and enduring conversations (and importantly, their voices) with close relatives or friends, and then stores them in the Library of Congress.  My kids conducted StoryCorps interviews with each of my parents.  Hear part of a StoryCorps interview that Anthony Fauci did with his wife.