Lessons from an Icon

The icon I most admire may surprise you.

My choice is Iris Apfel, who became a superstar in her 80s. She is known for her trademark glasses and funky fashion choices. Especially remarkable is that her fame came at such an advanced age, when women have usually been discounted and dismissed for years.

Although a well-known textile expert over many decades, she became widely recognized for her distinctive fashion sense that counters much of the strictly defined standards of the fashion industry.  This uptight industry focuses primarily on what looks good on the under 25 year-old, emaciated set and has firm rules about how many accessories are acceptable (not more than 1-2!) in an outfit. 

Forget that.  Rather than conforming to a set standard, Iris’ choices turn a nose to them.  Her outfits are gutsy, independent and fun-loving. She is especially known for unapologetically flouting the above-mentioned rules about wearing too many stand-out accessories.  She is no snob, and can be as delighted by a $1 bracelet as a priceless frock or a piece of jewelry.

With her outrageous fashions and large black round glasses, she has positively impacted so many, including her much younger Instagram followers. Her signature style even became a theme for the Met Gala – the highest compliment by the Vogue set.

What I’ve learned from Iris

Living in the relatively conservative Washington, DC area, it’s rare to see fashion independence.  While I am not nearly as flamboyant as Iris, she has given me the courage to wear bold clothes, shoes or jewelry in a way that feels fun and spirited.  Her example has given me the confidence to mix colors and “too much” jewelry. 

While one’s outfits are not that meaningful in the scheme of things, her fearlessness is what inspires me.  Her style is a lesson in authenticity, which can be applied in myriad ways – how we dress, how we operate in our personal and work lives, and in what policies and programs we advocate for.

In addition, Iris has positively influenced our public perception of aging. Iris being Iris shows that aging doesn’t have to be a negative.  She gleefully shows her wrinkles.  She wears outrageous outfits, always with a smile that lights up every photo she’s in.  Her signature glasses – never a fashion “do” — immediately identify her.  She shows that we can change how we portray ourselves at any age.  Wikipedia reports that Iris signed a modeling contract in 2019 at 97 years old!

I watch the 2015 documentary, Iris, at least annually to be reminded of her impact and just to be entertained.  Please take the time to watch this fascinating and heartwarming story of an icon (and her adorable husband, who unfortunately, has since passed). 

Of course, RBG

For so many, Ruth Bader Ginsburg is an icon to be admired and emulated.  She spoke about her greatest influence – her mother – who taught her to always act like a lady and to never lead with anger.  She applied these lessons masterfully.  Rather than show her anger, she used that energy to develop legal strategies to overcome institutional sexism in our system. 

As a Federal judge and then Supreme Court Justice, she took the long view in her dissents – putting a lot of effort into eloquently explaining how the law must be changed, knowing that later jurists would use her dissents to guide their decisions. She was a tiny woman with a soft voice, but that never got in the way of the respect afforded her. I love that she was an exercise fiend; an opera lover; best friends with her political opposite; an amazing wife, parent and grandmother; and an extremely hard worker.  We can all take lessons from how she lived her life.

The Amazing Stacey Abrams

Stacey Abrams brilliantly led the charge on voting rights and black empowerment that led to two Democratic Senators being elected in last week’s runoff.  She came into Georgia politics ten years ago when Democratic power was at its lowest ever.  Rather than cop to it, she methodically created a strategy that mobilized black and other previously disenfranchised voters, resulting in a much-needed change in who represents Georgia, and ultimately who controls the US Senate.    

It is not exaggerating to say that her efforts may have literally saved our Earth.  With Democrats in the Senate majority, even by the smallest margin, vital climate change and infrastructure policy and funding are much more likely to be adopted legislatively.  Her determination and perseverance have taught us and our electoral system how to address and overcome disenfranchisement, with long-lasting and positive consequences. She has earned icon status.

The Everyday Icons Among US

I’m always amazed by how small or random interactions can change our mood or point of view.  I always loved those doormen/front desk clerks who greeted me so warmly and enthusiastically, getting me to smile and jump-start my day. I love watching parents on the metro or at the park who are so delighted by simply hanging out with their child.  Or the person who gives an upbeat and informative briefing or talk in a field I never thought about but got me to consider how interesting it might be to work in that field.  I always appreciated those I encountered in my workplace who were so busy yet took the time to talk with me in a thoughtful, unhurried way. Or someone who leads a meeting in a patient and present manner, knowing that so much was waiting for them when they returned to their offices. It’s worth recognizing small or large acts of generosity in our relatives, friends, colleagues, neighbors, and random people we may run into once or many times.

We all get to write our own stories.  The events of the past four years, and especially the last week, have shown us the need for moral courage in our words and actions. Icons can give us the confidence to stay true to our convictions in how we conduct ourselves. Iris Apfel worked in a very different industry than I did, but I found much to admire and apply in my personal and work life.  Who’s your icon?

Disclaimer:  After January 6th’s insurgency, I want to emphasize that this blog is focused on icons that inspire moral, gutsy behavior only. Donald Trump and his ilk, unfortunately, serve as icons for too many, and only in the most negative, counterproductive, and harmful ways. 

Recommended listens:

For those for whom Shakespeare is your icon, listen to this podcast episode from KERA’s Think about the influence of the Bubonic plague, which was a constant during Shakespeare’s lifetime, on his life and plays. 

Tiny Victories Podcast.  A new podcast by my childhood friend, Annabelle Gurwitch and her co-host, Laura House.  They are comedians that see hilarious and heartwarming tiny victories in everyday experiences in short 10-15 minute episodes.  Here’s a link to the first episode.