Managing our Mood

I had planned to publish this blog post the week of October 8. But after the October 7 Hamas attack on Israel, I was uncomfortable putting out a seemingly inconsequential piece of writing after such a horrible event. What could I write that would seem important enough at this time?

After much thought, I’ve come to realize that this blog’s intended message was maybe precisely what we all need right now.

Even during national or international events that haunt us, we still need to deal with the day-to-day details and concerns of our lives.

So many events are beyond our control. What we can adjust is how we process information or situations. The first podcast referred to below couches it well — we can manage our mood. When we’re feeling crappy about our personal or job situation, we don’t have to dwell on the negative. We can raise ourselves up. It’s cost-free. In many cases, it just requires an attitude adjustment.

As the first podcast interview below attests, current difficulties are often a set-up for better days ahead.

I can vouch for this from many instances in my life.

Work-related struggles

Most of my blog posts recount how I’ve dealt with less than positive job situations. Suffice it to say, in every case, these negative predicaments led to much better times. For example, the job I came to hate while working at the World Trade Center in the 1980s propelled me to search for a graduate program that provided a wonderful learning experience and year in Italy, and a rewarding federal government career in Washington, DC. [Not to mention it prevented me from being at the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001!]

Repeatedly during my career, feeling stale or frustrated at work prodded me to look for new and better opportunities. Without such dissatisfaction, I might not have found fulfilling positions in climate change policy, renewable energy, workforce and education, and running the world-renowned Solar Decathlon.

The Trump Administration disaster — horrible for the US and the world — also triggered my earlier than expected retirement. Making the leap to leave was a big deal for risk adverse me. While I was mulling my decision, I found my ongoing, troubling interactions with political appointees and senior career managers counterintuitively helpful. They just reinforced my reason for leaving. While I am glad most people I know stayed, it was untenable for me in the job I had at the time (and had loved).

It was the set-up I needed to take a risk and try new things. It spurred me to search for new interests and develop new passions.

Anyone with a long career will experience the ups and downs that come with changing priorities, budgets, managers, and office politics. Knowing this is normal can help us feel less alone and more hopeful while going through it. Again, it’s managing our mood while traversing the roller coaster that helps weather the storm more gently. It also helps us clear our mind, making it easier to think about what we want from our next move. In addition, a better mood makes us more agreeable to be around, which in turn entices friends and colleagues to help us find new opportunities.

Performance reviews 

I tended to get overly apprehensive in advance of performance reviews. While I know I was doing a good job, at performance review time I would fixate on the things I may not have excelled at. I learned to manage this by keeping an ongoing log of things I worked on, and often by job element. Tracking what I did daily in a somewhat organized fashion made it easier to document my performance, helped my manager understand how I met or exceeded job expectations and minimized my restiveness.

The Personal Angle 

Like many women, I’ve wasted too much time and energy worrying about my weight – very much a first world problem. As I wrote in a recent blog post, I’ve learned to stop trying to be perfect and instead accept being “good enough.” This has helped me to appreciate the amazing things my body can do for me, fully enjoy food and drink, and feel happier and upbeat.

Our mood can be affected by friends – positively or negatively. I had a close friend who tended toward a negative take on almost every situation. I found myself adopting this negative world view. I realized I needed to distance myself from this person. Once I did, I saw an immediate change in myself for the better. Conversely, being around my perennially optimistic, non-judgmental friends reminds me to lead with generosity.   

For those going through a romantic break-up, which can be incredibly destabilizing, wallowing solo too long will not help. Instead, reaching out to supportive friends and looking for new experiences provide constructive distractions and promotes recovery. Although not easy, moving forward, rather than obsessing about what may have been, is the set up for the next, more evolved, and healthy relationship.

COVID

While COVID has shattered so many lives, it brought some positives. In my case, I explored my new-found interest in art. I started taking an in-person art class in January 2020, but went online with everyone else in March 2020. This class continues online, with my wonderful teacher Karen Norman. I’ve not only found virtual art instruction a perfect way to learn but it’s helped build a community that might not have developed as enthusiastically without pandemic-imposed limitations. I’ve also benefited from the vastly increased amount of free, online content available via Zoom and YouTube.  I am amazed at how much more observant I am of my surroundings – all potential subjects to paint! In this way, COVID expanded my world rather than limited it.

Changing our internal tape

No one will escape negative periods of life. But we have much more control than we often appreciate to consciously land on the positive or negative side of an imaginary line. We can change the internal tape we play for ourselves. It’s up to us to intentionally embrace what’s good in our lives – our kids, partner, or volunteer efforts – even while we may be less than satisfied at work.

During this time of extreme stress from national and international events, which I fear will get worse before it gets better, managing our mood is particularly challenging. To deal with especially stressful events, experts recommend that we build our connections with others in our community and limit our exposure to news events. It’s all easier said than done, but worth our effort to maintain our equilibrium. I find myself listening to a lot more non-newsy podcasts to help shield me from sad and scary Mideast news.

Consciously managing our mood is not an excuse to delude ourselves. It’s about applying perspective and effort to prepare for the next, more suitable thing. I am so hoping that what’s happening right now in the Middle East will become the set-up for true and sustainable peace for Israel and its neighbors.

Recommended Listens:

Sheri Salata on the 3 Words to Happiness and How to Find the Glitter on Your Path, from the Cathy Heller Podcast

The Rewards of Stepping Out of Line: A Commencement Address from Kara Swisher