Giving Yourself Permission to Go For It

A surprisingly positive outcome of the covid pandemic is the emphasis on improvisation and giving ourselves a break.  In a time of limited supplies of yeast, eggs, toilet paper, school, etc. we’ve all learned to be flexible and adaptable.  Don’t have fresh garlic – use onion powder. Don’t have yeast or eggs – who cares! 

My start to giving myself permission to “go for it” began many years ago from an unlikely source. 

An Unlikely Source of Self-Empowerment

Believe it or not, I have the Food Network and HGTV to thank for how I developed trust in my intuition. Growing up, without the benefit of the internet, cable tv, social media, or more than 4-5 TV stations, I really believed that you needed to be a credentialed expert to be a good cook, decorator or artist. For this reason, I thought only trained chefs could be good cooks.  I never did art, so assumed I should defer to experts on decor for my home.   And applying this to work, I tended to assume my Ph.D colleagues knew better than me about all work matters.

In the 1960’s, 70’s and 80’s world I grew up in, cooking was viewed as utilitarian and almost anti-feminist, given that women were trying to distance themselves from the “barefoot and pregnant” stigma.  I know this sounds strange to the Millennial/Gen Z crowd, who view being a “foodie” as having the highest cool factor.  In my world view, cooking was decidedly uncool and a waste of time.

My “ah ha” moment began, strangely, when my kids were really little and going out to eat just wasn’t feasible anymore (my kids would never sit at a restaurant for more than 5 minutes). Around that time the Food Network was really getting going. Its shows kept referring in a respectful way to “home cooks” — a term I had never heard. The Food Network hosts/chefs showed viewers that cooking was flexible and that taking liberties with recipes was fine and encouraged. This was a revelation. I had grown so bored by my family’s limited meal repertoires that I decided to try some recipes, with really positive results.  With each successful meal, I gained confidence to keep going, trying more and more recipes and learning to adapt to our family’s tastes and preferences.

A similar situation happened with HGTV, as I realized that I had strong views about design and color.  No offense to my beloved community, but the conservative Washington, DC area aesthetic just didn’t mesh with my Miami Beach penchant for bright colors.  I loved the results from “Design on a Dime” and other HGTV shows that dispelled the myth of how home elements could be designed and executed, without necessarily breaking the bank.  The message was that anyone can do it, if you allowed yourself the time and creativity to go for it.  I started to take risks with small design elements in my home.  I even got into making a variety of mosaic art projects that are now displayed throughout my house. I knew my own design confidence had jelled when I retained a decorator to help me redo my living and dining rooms, and had to push her to go bold with color.  

Making Connections to the Work Sphere

The more I did in the cooking and decorating/art sphere, the more I came to trust my “untrained” capabilities.

This extended over time to work. I was always a square peg in a round hole at work – neither an engineer, scientist or Ph.D economist in a very technical organization. What I had, however, was strategic vision and moxie. Both of these, coupled with the eventual expertise that comes with years of working in government and the energy sector, became their own specialization that was more and more recognized over time. I started to go out on a limb, whether pushing for a new approach for an area of work, advocating for flexibility for moms, or being bold with outreach to the public.  I needed to trust my instincts before enticing others to trust my vision. By watching others over the years, I watched what worked and what didn’t. I came to embrace myself as someone who could lead in a somewhat out-of-the-box manner.

The Covid Attitude

This “winging it” mentality has been embraced and encouraged more than ever during our pandemic.  Don’t have x ingredient?  Use y instead. I love that the New York Times has devoted a whole column to pandemic improvised cooking.  The Washington Post has had multiple articles on how to make food substitutions. 

There is a comfort to me in this more relaxed attitude.  We can all make good food, or fix something in a less than perfect way and still achieve delight.  Celebrating our attempts and successes on social media is all the rage.  My kids have been making amazingly delicious breads – challah, bagels, even popovers – often with home-brewed sourdough starter.  This pandemic has inspired so many of us to step up and have the guts to try things we may never have done before.  I know I’m enjoying the fruit of my kids’ labor – maybe a little too much since I have to exercise more than ever to stave off the covid-19 pounds!

I’ve even been attempting watercolor painting – something I never thought I could do.  I grew up in an educational system without art or music funding, so I literally never did any art (beyond my aforementioned mosaic projects).  This is a big deal for me, as I thought one had to have an innate ability to paint.  Maybe I’m not very good, but at least I’ve given myself permission to learn and do.  I’m loving it.  It’s more about self-expression than talent in my case …

It may sound strange to combine the Food Network, HGTV, and work matters in one blog, but the takeaway is that giving oneself permission to go for it in one area of your life can connect with other areas of our lives.  The key is paying attention to how it feels once you use a new ingredient or improvise in a design or home project.  Does it give you pride?  If so, give yourself an attaboy and keep going for it!    

So, my charge to others: 

1) look for sources of inspiration (TV, podcast, inspiring figure, book, documentary) to take a chance in any sphere in your life;

2) witness and take heed of your reaction and that of others;

3) make connections of seemingly unconnected events/impacts to test new approaches in whatever area you’re interested in — whether cooking, decorating, gardening, doing art/music, athletics, work, etc.;

4) use these nuggets to build trust in your instincts;

5) test your new approach in a real life, minimally consequential situation to see if it results in a positive or negative result;

6) Note that sometimes you’ll fail, which is as important and helpful to your journey as succeeding.

My last point is that there is no perfection, and often, no one right choice or maneuver. We all need to remember that humans are very fallible.  If true effort, thoughtfulness, and intention is used, it’s not that evident that one approach is that much better than another.  You might even have fun!

A recommended podcast interview:

If you’ve loved Raffi’s Baby Beluga and other songs, listen to this Awards Chatter podcast interview that shows how Raffi created a whole new way of valuing a heretofore underappreciated market – very young children – that also allowed him to inject his appreciation of the environment.  He gave himself permission to go for it, and became a music legend.